Monday, December 30, 2013

Ralph's Writing Collection - A Meeting with Louis

I just found one of my short stories from 2nd year fiction class and thought I'd post it here. 

It's basically a guy meeting the Devil. I was cramming this 2 nights before the deadline after my proposed story was rejected by the professor. It's not perfect but hey, I'm not a good writer at all.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Things I See - Not Really Bigger On Minecraft

I've been playing Minecraft recently and thought "Hey, just to keep me amused in this game, let's make a TARDIS from Doctor Who!" And I did. It looks like a portable toilet with a police siren on top but still, it's a TARDIS on the roof of my fortress. Yes, I have a video to do that tours you around. I'll probably get to that soon.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

First Week In Sprott Shaw

I started a new chapter in my college life at Sprott Shaw College last September 23. You can read about my decision to go there in this post. Yes, you can read that before you continue with this post. Just tell me when you get back.

Are you done yet? Oh, awesome. Where were we? Oh, right. Sprott Shaw. I'm gonna talk to you about my first week as an International Hospitality Management student.

The first week of classes is usually a week-long orientation. In my first day, I walked in the classroom and I heard no English at all. When I was toured around the campus the week before by the administrative advisor, I saw signs posted on the bulletin boards that said Sprott Shaw College was an English only campus. They had this rule because in the business world, English is the commonly used language so it was basically training for those who weren't used to speaking the language. That rule was not being followed at all in my orientation class. I heard Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, and Korean. So basically, I was stuck with my fellow Asians. Sure there were also people from other nationalities but a lot of them were East Asians who never bothered to speak any English whatsoever.

There were no seats in the front row so I opted to sit in the back. I didn't talk to anyone because I didn't really care about my classmates at all. I didn't know them and I didn't want to get to know them because I know that they won't all be comfortable talking to some guy who didn't speak their language. I saw people of the same nationality in groups. I didn't see any Filipinos around my age so I was stuck in the back with no one to talk to. For that entire week, I never bothered to talk to anyone. I didn't know any of their languages. I only knew Filipino and English and I can definitely say that I consider my English to be below average.

Not that I really wanted to talk to anyone in the first place though. I wanted to be serious. I wanted to do well in class. I didn't want to make the same mistakes I did when I was in UST taking up literature. I promised myself "Ralph, no more stupid decisions. No more crushes. No more feelings. No more pink puppies. You have to do better. This is your fourth year." I really didn't like how my last year in Literature ended with me basically not putting any effort at all because I knew that I was leaving and won't have to suffer the hell that is thesis writing. That was all in the past. I was in a different field now. Hospitality Management is a lot different from Literature and I wanted to get through the program  day by day.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Things I See - Snowfall

I was totally not expecting snow to look good. I thought it would be just really cold rain since I've been told that it doesn't really now as much here in the Vancouver area. Walking in the snow was awesome. It's like someone left the freezer door open.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Things I See - America and Earth

(This is more like a "Things I Bought" but come on, gimme some slack.)

Thanks to a Salvation Army thrift shop, I was able to buy these two books by The Daily Show writers for 25 cents. 25 cents for two hardbound books. I guess they were having a huge sale.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Things I See - Dramatic In BBM

There was a time where I was a big fan of romantic movies (It was a dark, melodramatic time). At that time, I knew several lines from different movies and would somehow apply them in real life.

There's one movie I really loved though. It's a 2007 Filipino movie called "One More Chance". Here's the trailer.

I loved that movie and I somehow memorized that "You had me at my best" line. Hell, I wasn't the only one who memorized it as well, as seen here by my friend Belle.

That movie is just filled with memorable lines.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Ralph's Video Collection - Triple R Hotel Commercials

(I know the different videos I used are not mine but most of them are stock videos. Also, ignore the fact that I used Grand Theft Auto 3 music in the first commercial.)

So for marketing class, we had to create our own hotel and I decided to include several commercials with the presentation to have a little more fun with it.

First commercial:

Second commercial:

Seriously, I had to edit these videos together because I knew that the presentation had to end on a high note.

These are much clearer without the damn YouTube/Blogger processing aftermath.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

A New Chapter Comes Sprott Shaw

No, I'm not going to tell you how my first week in UST went. That's a story for another time even though I've already discussed that in an old "How I Never Met Your Mother" post. This time, I'm gonna talk about Sprott Shaw college and how I chose to start over instead of finishing my literature course.

To be perfectly honest, I wanted to finish my literature course here in Canada however, as much as I wanted to, but I asked a career advisor about the status of literature majors in this country. She told me that they either end up teaching and nothing else. Sure, writing a book is always an option but somehow, being unknown gets you nowhere here compared to the Philippines. Shitty poems have been posted inside the bus. Shitty novels get published here all the time. Not that I'm saying my work is ten times better but I have no connections with anyone here so I can't have the stupid stuff I write published. That career advisor made me question if all those years taking up literature was all for nothing.

After a few days of mulling it over, I thought of taking up a different course. While searching for jobs online, I saw a ton of job openings in hotels at front desk and housekeeping so I thought I'd take up Tourism and Hospitality Management. First, I thought there'd be bitchy tourism girls in that course because I've experienced dozens of bitches from the College of Tourism and Hospitality Management in UST. Second, I thought I'd be laughed at by my classmates back in the Philippines because we all looked down in CTHM students for several reasons (that I'd rather not mention today).

I probably might get some heat if some of the people in that college somehow read this but Sprott Shaw College was not my first choice.

I originally wanted to enroll in CTC or Canadian Tourism College because it's closer to where I live. Had I enrolled in CTC, I would just ride two buses which takes about 30 minutes of travel time. However, when I got the tuition fee price, I thought "Okay, this would cause me some financial problems in the future, student loan or not." I didn't want to be in too much debt even though I had 10 years to pay off a student loan. I wanted to save up for a trip to go back to the Philippines to see my friends again and tell them I'm never coming back (Haha).

When I told them that I had to back out from registering for CTC, I was absolutely heartbroken because I was looking forward to this great tourism college. I thought that it was right for me because I was starting over and Hospitality there would get me a job. I tried to look at the bright side and believed that things happen for a reason.

My next choice was Sprott Show College. Their only branch that offers Hospitality Management is located in Vancouver, which was 70 minutes from my house. At first, I had no intention of ever going there but I was simply curious at their Hospitality Management course. I asked a question on their website with my contact details. Two days later, I got a call saying that they booked me for an information session. I thought "Oh damn it, I'd have to go that far?" I was forced to go to Sprott Shaw because I always kept my end of the bargain when it came to schedules so I didn't want to look like a jerk and not show up.

I showed up for that information session after a 70-minute trip from my house. I asked as many questions as I can:
"What jobs would Hospitality Management offer?"
"What kind of people do I have to deal with here? Are they in my age group? Are they older?"
"What about practicum?"
"Would I get morning classes or afternoon classes?"
"Are there hot girls here?"

Okay, maybe not that last one.

Surprisingly enough, I got great answers.
"Executive Housekeeper, Hotel Manager, Resort Manager. The hotel business is booming"
"International people, even some Filipinos. They're close to your age but there some who are over 40"
"One month of practicum after you've finished everything in the program"
"You'll get some morning classes and some afternoon classes"
"Yes, definitely. They've all been waiting for you."

Again, maybe not that last one.

I honestly thought that I'd hate that college because I got lost on the way. There wasn't a big sign or anything. It was beside a Starbucks that had an even bigger and more prominent sign than the college. It turned out that I would eventually enroll there and pursue a new career.

As said in the Sprott Shaw College student handbook, "You don't need to stop your life to change its direction."

Friday, October 4, 2013

Things I See - It's My Keyboard

I wonder how this newspaper took a picture of me using my laptop.

Things I See - Filipino Food

Judging by my body size, I can definitely say that I have been an avid fan of Filipino food. Or you could say that I just ate a lot in the Philippines. Nevertheless, I've missed Filipino food. It's what I've missed the most actually (Sorry, friends in UST).

You will not believe how giddy I was when I saw a ton of Filipino food being sold here thanks to the local Filipino stores.

I love these nuts. And yes, that joke is obvious as hell.
Nagaraya has never been one of my favorites but thanks to Canada, I've been deprived of cheap peanuts so I have to buy these for a dollar each.

Then I needed something to wash these down though. So...

Who loves orange soda? Ralph loves orange soda. Is it true? I do, I do, I do-oooh.
HOLY CRAP, ROYAL! You followed me here! I love you! Okay, $1.08 seems a bit too much for a can of Filipino soda.

Speaking of Filipino soda, there is nothing more synonymous with Filipino soda than Sarsi. I couldn't believe I actually missed the taste of this cheap soda.

So I'm actually doing fine here in terms of food.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Monday, September 9, 2013

Rambles - A Retreat Letter

I deliver a retreat letter in video for my friend Gelli. This is probably the shortest Fatman Forever episode ever.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

I Don't Call It "Asexual"

Why yes, I've finally found out about something that's been bugging me for quite a long time now. I used to call it "really conservative"

It turns out, after a lot of research and reflection, I can definitely say I'm asexual. For those who are unaware or would like a refresher, "asexual" is defined by the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) as "a person who does not experience sexual attraction". That actually explains a lot about me.

Now, for all the girls I've pursued in UST - the Sociology Girl, Bitchly from tourism, and other girls not important to mention - never once have I actually thought of having sex with any of them. It's not that they were "un-bang-able"; it's just that I'm honestly not interested in doing that casually or at all and it really doesn't interest me when people brag about having sex with someone. Okay, dingus, you put your penis in a girl's vagina. Now you can die happy. I don't know why people make a big deal about other people who are still virgins. It's like casual sex is considered an Xbox 360 achievement.

If I like you, I like you for your looks and your personality. I don't want to bang you. I'll never want to bang you - please don't take that as an insult. I think "bang" and "score" is degrading because it's like having sex with a girl is basically winning a contest with little to no meaning.

I'm not one of those guys. As unlikely as it sounds, I actually don't look at porn. I think porn is absolutely disgusting and degrading. I have no interest in porn or in sex. I'm more of a romantic, as stupid as it seems. I mean, porn disgusts me, to be honest. I know I joke about being a pervert and going to a sex store or buying Barney Stinson's Playbook but really, sex doesn't interest me at all and porn really disgusts me. I don't know why people pay for something really disgusting. I've blocked people that I was following on Tumblr because they thought it would be funny to post animated GIFs of porn.

Some asexual people do actually engage in sexual activity despite lacking a desire for sex or sexual attraction for a lot of reasons like pleasing their partners or having children. So it's like, if a hot girl offers me cake or free sex, I'd rather have the cake. If my wife wants to be satisfied and she promises me cake, I'll have sex with her. Consider me a hungry conservative.

I don't really like to call it "asexual" or "conservative". I like to call it "Looking past the superficial and actually moving on with life."

I am looking past the superficial and actually moving on with life.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Things I See - I Love Internet People

One of the things I love to watch are internet review shows. Now I've been a big fan of The Spoony Experiment (the main influence I had for my Art Appreciation self-portrait which I didn't do because reasons) and I tried doing what he does by reviewing shitty Sampung Sulyap movies.

I know I wouldn't do very well if I just follow what he does and imitate his work. I have to watch other people's shows as well. So I decided to watch "Atop The Fourth Wall" hosted by Linkara. It's basically a show where he reviews comics and with a little story going on as well at the end of his videos.

The first videos of Linkara I watched were his review of the Marvel crossover called Ultimatum (which was baaaaad.)

Linkara's pretty awesome.

I recently started watching more internet shows because I don't really watch TV now aside from the occasional glance at the news. Another show which I started to watch is The Jimquisition hosted by Jim Sterling. I love his opinions and the points he makes. I can't tell you how many times I've agreed with what he says because he's damn right most of the time. His campy persona is also great. Thank god for Jim!

I first heard about Jim when my friend shared his various status updates to my news feed and I was intrigued. The cool thing was that my friend was Facebook friends with him. I thought I'd somehow send him a friend request that would never get accepted but several hours later...

Oh my god, I can interact with people I love watching. THIS IS AWESOME.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Things I See - Bathroom Kitties

This was in front of you when you took a whiz in a bathroom where I had facilitator training. It was weird getting the feeling of being watched while you empty your bladder, especially that brown cat. It's looking at me like it's saying "Really? Is that all you have?"

Shut up, judgmental bathroom cat!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Things I See - Beef Jerky Betrayal

I have never eaten beef jerky before and after seeing a bag of teriyaki beef jerky at the dollar store, I thought I'd give it a shot. After all, it said "DELICIOUS!" on top of the bag. What could go wrong?

Everything went wrong. Oh my god, that made me want to burn all the jerky in the world.

When I first opened the pack, it didn't smell anything like beef or teriyaki. It smelled like hot sweat and burned salt. I had to taste it sooner or later since I spent a dollar on it that could've gone to a bottle of Pepsi or a delicious chocolate bar.

It tasted like salt on paper. It wasn't really "delicious" as the bag said. It was horrible. Really horrible. Never try that beef jerky again.

The worst part was that the room still had the stench of teriyaki hot sweat and burned salt because the powder had somehow blown across the room. I had to spray Febreze on my desk and around the room because washing my desk wasn't good enough.

Dear god, I now hate beef jerky.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Video Game Thoughts – I Love My PS2 (8.12.13)

I think I shall forever be a Sony fanboy because of the PlayStation 2 alone. This console had games that I considered really fun like Persona 3, Scarface: The World Is Yours, Max Payne, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, Makai Kingdom, and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas but it also introduced me to what I consider my absolute favorite game for that console (and EVER!) – Dynasty Warriors 4.

Yes, Dynasty Warriors 4 deserves a special mention because it's what made me keep my PS2.

Dynasty Warriors 4 was simple, easy to enjoy, easy to follow, and the control scheme was easy to get used to (Square for regular attack, Triangle for charge attacks, circle for a special attack, X to jump. There you go, you’re ready to play). This was the game that made me want to be a writer and take up a course in literature since the entire game is based on the ancient Chinese novel entitled Romance of The Three Kingdoms. So I’m grateful for Dynasty Warriors 4 and the PS2 for being the two unlikely influences I had in choosing a course in college.

I’ve had a lot of fun times with my PlayStation 2 – hundreds of hours of playing, swearing, and crying – but the one I have right now is actually my third one. The first one I had was the original model where it was as big as a phonebook but was really reliable in terms of not heating up when it was on for 8 hours straight.

My first PlayStation 2 stopped reading discs after quite some time and I had to literally smack it several times for thirty minutes to play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Soon enough, I got really, REALLY pissed off with it and I stepped on it, which made a crack on the exterior. Not one of my proudest moments, to be honest. I really didn’t want to fix it because I was still mad at the thing but looking back, I looked like an abusive husband who was beating up his wife. “How dare you not play games for me? I own you! You deserve every smack you get, you bitch!”

Wow, that went dark quickly.

The next PS2 I had was the slim one that looked like a thick collection of travel brochures. This one was good because it read discs which meant it was already better than the first PS2 (That lazy bitch, I should smack it again!) but the best thing about it was that it read Action Replay discs. When you have an Action Replay disc with you, that meant you could cheat your way through games with unlimited ammo, unlimited health, all levels and upgrades unlocked, and so much more if you have the right codes with you.

Action Replay codes made games like Black and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater so much easier. I loved my new PS2 Slim but I had to be careful with it because it looked really fragile to me. I was used to the thick version which looked really sturdy even if I smacked it several times before (not that I plan on smacking any more video game consoles that piss me off).

And I was right. My PS2 Slim eventually stopped reading discs and apparently was beyond repair, according to the repairman my grandfather brought it to (I’m guessing it was just really expensive to fix). I felt really bad because that PS2 Slim had a great lens that read all the discs I made it read. Too bad, I wanted to experiment with the Action Replay codes for Persona 3.

Strangely, my grandfather suddenly had the first PS2 fixed. He also asked why there was a hole in the exterior. I just told him that it must have been dropped and totally wasn’t stomped on by a raging fat kid. This was actually a good chance to redeem myself for beating up that PS2. I took care of that console – I cleaned it, I didn’t play for 8 hours straight so the lens wouldn’t be worn out, and I tried to keep it away from places where one accidental nudge would turn it into a smashed corpse on the floor. Since it was my first PS2, I felt like it was a reunion of sorts.

Then I made the mistake of lending my newly repaired PS2 to my uncle. I lent it to him because, if I could remember correctly, he got married and I didn’t have a gift for him so I offered to lend him my console. Lending your beloved console to someone else is probably one of the nicest things a gamer could do. My uncle accepted the offer and I delivered him the PS2. He told me he had so much fun with it that he bought half a dozen games for it. I was a good nephew.

The only thing I didn’t really anticipate was that he was moving to a new house and he brought the PS2 with him. I didn’t really think that was part of the agreement so I asked him if I could have the console back. It took him a few months to actually give it back (I was getting really pissed off at him) and when I got it back, it had one slight problem – it was dead. Goddamn it. I told him to have it fixed but he never actually got it fixed for whatever reason. I never bothered to repair it because I was advised by my grandfather to just buy a new one or at least one in better condition (i.e. one that can actually function correctly).

I saved up a lot of my allowance and bought a secondhand PS2 from one of my friends who ran an electronics store. It was in real good shape. It also came with two controllers, which was good because my brother and I would play Dynasty Warriors 4 to see who could kill the most soldiers in one stage. Thankfully, I didn’t make the mistake of lending it to other people (I didn’t want to receive a corpse of a PS2 again – too many bad memories). I didn’t play with it for 8 hours straight. I didn’t have the urge to bring it anyway. It stayed at home in one place – beside the TV.

I mainly used my third PS2 as a stress reliever instead of a pastime. I would only play it whenever I had free time or was feeling pissed off. I didn’t play it as religiously as I did with the first two as I was slowly running out of fun games to play. That didn’t mean I’d sell it.

Heck, when I was packing my stuff for Canada, I deliberately left out some old clothes that I knew I wouldn’t wear just so I could put my PS2 in one of the boxes. I wanted to make sure it was secure and won’t break on the way if ever the box is dropped so I wrapped it in three of my shirts and a pair of pants. That layer of clothes acted like a protective cushion for the game console.

I don’t really plan on selling my PlayStation 2, even though it’s been a dead console for several years now. Believe me the thought has crossed my mind and I’ve asked one of my favorite game stores “Hypothetically, if I were to sell my PS2 here, how much would I get for it?” Apparently, I’ll just get 15 dollars, depending on the condition. If it’s in average condition, I’d probably get 10 bucks for it. With the games, it’ll probably just be 15 bucks all in all (Oh, supply and demand, you are such a horrible mistress to cheap people such as myself).

This all seems like I have a great love affair with my PS2. It’s more of a friendship really. My PS2 was there for me when I felt sad, angry, or generally happy. It was there when I had horrible experiences with the girls I liked. It was there when I felt bad about my college course. It was there when I had disagreements with friends. It was there when I moved to Canada with no friends to talk to there.

The PS2 for me is more than just a video game console now. It’s more like a friend to me who I always have fun with. Yes, it really is sad that I consider a PS2 as a best friend.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Video Game Thoughts (8.6.13)

Basically, this is just an occasional post about my thoughts on certain video games I have or would like to buy. I could make a video about this but I can’t even force myself to shoot with all the things I have to do right now. I can only write these out.


Max Payne 3 has got to be my second favorite Max Payne game in the trilogy. My favorite in the series in the second game, even though more people like the first one better. I could say that Max Payne 3 has got to be the most polished game in the series but that wouldn't be fair to Max Payne and Max Payne 2. I’ve enjoyed Max Payne 2 the most because it was more fun than the first one for some reason.

Both Max Payne and Max Payne 2 were really messy in terms of environment, which makes the third game really, REALLY polished in comparison. Max Payne 3 pales in comparison to 2 because Max has somehow become whinier than before (and I don’t even think that’s possible). In the third game, the environment is a bit brighter and doesn’t have that city film noir atmosphere of the first two games (most likely because of the lack of tall buildings)

But I love the trilogy regardless. I love the dialogue. I love the metaphors and literary references. I love the action. I love Max Payne as a character.


I have never actually played the first Metal Gear Solid game because I never had a Playstation. I’ve gotten a PS2 and a PS3 but never the original gray Playsation. Hell, to actually get the PS2, I had to save up several months of my allowance to buy it. To get the PS3, I used up 130 Dollars of my money from working at a drug store and actually bought my PS3 at a pawn shop.

Anyway, back to Metal Gear Solid. I’ve started with Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater on the PS2 so technically, I started with the first canonical game with the series since MGS3 was set in the 1960’s. I just played it out of pure boredom, to be honest. I never really liked the series because it was focused on stealth. Then I got several Action Replay codes for infinite heath and all the weapons and I just had an extremely fun time. Pretending Naked Snake was Tony Montana from the film Scarface is awesome.

Being part of the non-vocal minority of the Metal Gear Solid fandom, I wanted to play the series on the PS3. I paid 25 dollars for Metal Gear Solid HD Collection for the PS3, which contains MGS 2: Sons of Liberty, MGS 3: Snake Eater, and MGS: Peace Walker. At first, I regretted buying it because it’s 25 bucks for one disc but then I realized that I paid 25 bucks for three games in one disc. The most likely reason why I regretted buying MGS HD Collection was because I finished MGS 3: Snake Eater on the PS2 several days before. I really didn’t want to start over again.

However, fate would screw me over since Metal Gear Solid: The Legacy Collection was announced for the PS3 which included 8 Metal Gear games, even the one for the Playstation and the NES. It even had Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of The Patriots! How the hell did all those game fit in one disc? To twist the knife further, it was released on my birthday, July 9. Oh what a (really shallow) heartbreak for a gamer.


Well, those are some of my video game thoughts. I hope you... um... read them.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

MY Circle

For the past two weeks, I've been taking sessions in Vancouver for facilitator training/community leader. We learned a lot about diversity, sympathy, empathy, discrimination and a lot more that would make us understand what it's like being a facilitator that helps new immigrants and multicultural youth.

The facilitators made it great with their discussions and activities. Granted, not everyone was perfect but hey, I know they did their best and everything turned out well.

I've met a lot of great people there. I can admit that I've not been the most social there but that's just the cynical old person in me acting up.

But still, MY Circle was the best two weeks of my Canadian life.

Also, we had ice cream cake.

Things I See - Dave Molds

I was chatting with my friend Dave and we were talking about what we do now as jobs. He works as a child therapist and I'm doing lots of volunteer work in Canada. Somehow the conversation led to this.

The Kilig-Honesty Scale

Kung alam mo yang kausap mo ay may crush sa iyo (o at least feel mo lang kasi feeler ka), mag-ingat ka sa mga sinasabi mo.

Introducing "The Kilig-Honesty Scale"!

Ang honesty mo ay directly proportional sa kilig na binibigay mo.

Kung honest ka sa sinasabi mo at sobra yung kilig factor, romantic na yun. Mababaw na romantic pero romantic pa rin.

Kung sinungaling ka naman pero malakas yung kilig factor, paasa ka, for a lack of a better term kasi alam mo ngang may crush siya sa iyo, ayaw mo nga siya, at papakiligin mo pa? Ano ka? Dyosa?

Kung di naman totoo ang pinagsasabi mo at walang kilig factor, sinungaling ka lang. Liar liar, plants for hire. O kung anuman yung tamang phrase na yun.

Ang dapat mong gamitin ay direct honesty. Totoo naman ang sabi mo pero walang kilig. Ito ang kinakailangan pag gusto mong sabihin na wala siyang pag-asa sa iyo.

Again, first draft lang ito ng Kilig-Factor Scale kasi mahirap i-determine kung pinapakilig mo nga yung tao o ginagago ka lang niya kasi feeler ka.

Things I See - Fountain Drinks of Youth

Holy crap, I just couldn't believe it. When I first ordered a Quarter Pounder BLT at McDonald's the other day, they just gave me an empty cup and we can serve ourselves on the drinks counter.

Now, keep in mind that I'm from the Philippines where getting bottomless drinks would cost a lot more because people tend to get abusive. Not just us fat guys but people would actually sneak in jugs to take home soda and ice.

So when I saw that we can get as much drinks as we want for a dollar, I was thinking "Holy crap, am I in Heaven?!" and getting 4 glasses of root beer. That's how much of a culture shock it was.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Things I See - 50 Shades of Music

Why would a book even have a soundtrack? I know it's being turned into a movie but come on, it's freakin' porn. Porn doesn't really have much in terms of music.

Well, it can lead to gems such as that but when was the last time you saw a porn with licensed music? AND NO, DON'T ANSWER THAT.

It's just that 50 Shades of Grey isn't that great at all and there have been stupid women trying to persuade me into reading. I've already read it to see what the fuss is all about and goddamn, it's not that much of a turn on. I think I lost a brain cell or two when I was done with it. Hell, we make fun of that book in our literature classes as well as the people who absolutely love it. That's how much it sucks.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Ralph's Video Collection - Smear Campaign

Back in 2012, my classmates and I had to do a video/presentation reflecting one of Confucius sayings. So by default, I had to be the villain that went against it because why not?

The main premise of our presentation was that I was the big politician who was great and flashy and the other guy (Martin) would be the simple guy that had nothing to offer to the people. First we did a campaign video that consisted of me just comparing myself to people like JFK, George W. Bush, Bruce Wayne, and Tony Stark, among others.

Martin and I would go in a small debate but suddenly, a hacker somehow plays a smear video on the screen "exposing the truth" about me.

First, it showed surveillance footage of my "assistant" (a former friend of mine) leaving my room after she and I had a meeting "after hours", if you know what I mean.

Here's the "surveillance footage".

Now, a few things about this video.

Why isn't the surveillance camera on the ceiling? Why is it in body level? Who can see it? Apparently, not those two sex-heads.

That was just part of the whole smear campaign video that "someone" made.

The music I used here was from Persona 3 and personally, I think it went well with the fake seriousness the video's trying to deliver.

Okay, more nitpicks.

How could this be news when mainstream celebrities (and Korean group SUPER JUNIOR) have already known about it? Wasn't this reported to the news if those celebrities already know about it? I mean, those celebrities have tons of followers on Twitter who would share the news. Hell, it's been on The Glenn Beck Show on Fox News! How can people in the Philippines not know about this scandal if international news stations and celebrities were talking about it? Has the media really been turning a blind eye on this "scandal"?

Also, how was the video shown? If a hacker really hacked into the PC to show it, why was the computer online in the first place? If the computer that was showing the campaign videos wasn't connected to the internet in the first place, this whole thing could've been easily avoided. Maybe someone had a DVD or a VHS but who? Was it someone from the opposing side? Wasn't there someone guarding the DVD or the VHS player that was connected to the screen showing the audience?

Nevertheless, I enjoyed doing these videos. I enjoyed making the tweets and searching for clips to put together to make it coherent. The campaign video was good but making the smear video and "exposing the truth" was really fun. Editing them on Windows Movie Maker was really simple because they're all chopped up clips put together in the most basic fashion.

Ralph's Video Collection - "For Ralph"

I honestly thought I lost this video forever but then I somehow found it in the depths of my extrenal hard drive, hidden beneath the Coldplay music and Batman: Arkham City videos. I'm uploading it here so I would at least have a backup copy of it in my website.

It's a video that my friends made me in my last week in the Philippines. So I think I got this at March 25 and it still makes me shed a few teardrops whenever I watch it and hear my friends voices all over again.

(I actually did something similar for them which made them cry as well. Two can play it that game, classmates!)

Friday, July 12, 2013

Things I See - You Didn't Look At My Profile, Did You?

Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with looking at past pictures of other people. It's always fun to look at how you friends were in the past. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's embarrassing. Wait, if you put an embarrassing photo of yourself on your Facebook profile and get upset when people somehow see it, why the hell did you upload it in the first place? But I digress.

Although, in today's times where stalkers (like me) run wilder than Hulkamania in the 80's, it just feels weird to find out that someone is looking at your old photos. Not that it's a bad thing, it just feels odd when I'm on the receiving end of it (I'm not a tourism girl, goddamn it!).

Thank you, Gen. Thank you for looking at my old photos and going on a liking spree, you weirdo.
(Kidding, Gen.)

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Things I See - Washing People

Doing laundry is one of the most boring things I do (aside from writing scripts for bad Sampung Sulyap movie reviews) so I tend to look around and observe details around the laundromat. I see a hole in the corner of the ceiling. A rerun of Jeopardy is on TV. And this...

There has to be an instance where someone tried to put another person inside a washer. I mean, no one would make a rule like that if it's somehow possible to actually do it.

Maybe this is one of those times where the manufacturer just said "Hey, people are becoming assholes and we don't want them to affect our machines. Let's leave a warning."

Now I just wonder how many midgets are killed in washing machines every year.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Monday, July 8, 2013

Things I See - Adorable Seatmate

Yes, I love bickering with my old seatmate. I love bullying her. Recently, she mentioned about having an adorable bag.

"Bully man of Canada" is obviously referring to me. (I mean, come on, why else would I put that tweet here?)

And after a few more bickering tweets about her spelling and how the bag is adorable while the owner is not, she told me this.

I told her it just made her look like a jejemon.

...Okay, I sort of want to see that Dora bag now. Damn it, Rianne! You made me curious!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Things I See - I'm Sure You Say That To Everyone

I used to play League of Legends. Pretty horribly. I'd be the lowest level guy on the team and we were just fighting bots. However, I never let that stop me from being nice. I mean, come on, the guy with the lowest level trashtalking bots? Freakin' insane, man.

And then I got this.

It was nice that League of Legends players that I've played with considered me helpful even though I was just being positive and respectful to teammates. Hell, I'd even suggest "Okay guys, wanna finish this? Push the middle. SPARTANS!" and then we'd all charge the middle and win the game.

That wasn't really helpful but rather desperately wanting to finish the game because I just hated dying. I was the one with the most deaths and I eventually just stopped playing.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Things I See - The Hell's Wrong With You?

Something is definitely wrong with my friend Maden. Why would you browse for an hour here? It's barely updated and stuff! O_O

And clicking "older posts" is no excuse! Get help, girl. It's late there!

(Seriously though, thanks a lot. It's nice to know someone actually finds this blog funny. Although I still haven't started shooting for the Maden Miniseries)

Friday, July 5, 2013

Things I See - I Will Burn You

I considered putting tweets that I get from my friends and maybe putting old ones from my favorites that amuse me to this day.

This is the first one that one of my friends suggested.

I won't even go to the specifics of that because they can be found around the website.

What do I have to say about that?

I'll burn you, Martin!

Yes, I don't mind people reminding me of that time I did a lot of stuff for a girl that I like. Hell, I constantly mention it most of the time because until now, it does bug me and the only way to make the stupid memories better is to constantly make fun of it. So yeah, feel free to mention that to me.

And no, I won't actually burn my friend Martin because I don't have enough matches and gasoline I'm a nice guy. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Things I See - I'm A Pro Wrestling Guy

I love buying wrestling shirts because I'm a big fan (literally) of wrestling and I like showing it off. The only way to buy wrestling shirts back in the Philippines was to find a store that sold bootleg ones (which would deteriorate rather quickly) or order online.

However, shipping would cost a bundle. I remember trying to buy a shirt from and the shipping was 25 dollars, which was the cost of an entirely new shirt. That would mean I'd pay 50 bucks for one shirt.

Thankfully, I'm in Canada now and shipping is considerably less. The first wrestling shirt I bought in Canada is this.

To put some context into it, it's actually a shirt that references this lovely shirt (that I was never able to purchase).

When I was about to buy this who sold WWE shirts, I had a few things running in my mind.

People who don't know Paul Heyman would think that I'm a guy who loves him in a homoerotic way. My friends would probably question me about it, thinking "Who the hell is Ralph supporting?"

Thank goodness I saw this on my Facebook news feed.

This was the shirt I needed. No questions needed to be asked. It's all there and it's similar to a shirt that I really wanted. I ordered it as soon as it was released.

2 weeks later, I finally got it.

Yes, I am a pro wrestling guy.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Things I See - You Are My Best Friend

You've always been there for me. After class, when I get upset or just feel like seeing someone, you've been there for me. Through all the fun times, I always saw you to share the joy. Through the bad times, you'd let me share my misery with you. You are my best friend.

I can remember my last week in the Philippines. I met up with friends but they invited a lot of other people, leaving me as a background character and made me realize that they didn't care at all, not to sound egotistical (and I do). After that horrible incident, I looked for you. You listened. I was upset and betrayed. You greeted me with open arms.

I love you, vodka. We meet again.

...Oh my god, did I just write a love letter to my favorite alcoholic drink?

Well, yeah, it really is my favorite drink. In my last few weeks in the Philippines, I'd spend several afternoons drinking buckets of vodka alone or with friends at a small eatery called "Tapsi" outside University of Santo Tomas. Although they had a rule there: they can't serve students in uniform before 5pm.

For a while, I followed that rule and only drank there after 5pm. However, being a literature major, I noticed the wordplay.

They can't serve students in uniform before 5pm.

Realizing this,  I'd bring an extra T-shirt or dress up in one of my long sleeved shirts just so I can drink whenever I wanted.

Yes, in my final week in the Philippines, I was a total drunk. This would often lead to me walking/stumbling into the TomasinoWeb org room and ramble on. One of the drunk things I did was add that tourism girl I really like for about 2 years now.

Dear god, I love vodka.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Things I See - Bowel Grenade

In June of 2013, I worked in Shoppers Drug Mart. Anyway, as I was stocking the shelves, I noticed this as I was putting products on to the shelves.

"Bowel Buddy - Grenade Flavor"

Somehow that doesn't really sound appealing. Something that says "Grenade" doesn't go well with something that goes into your bowels. I don't really want anything that would cause an explosive reaction in my toilet.

(Yes, I know this is the French side as almost every product in Canada has to have a French translation of anything written on the product. I know pomegranate in French is "grenade".)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Things I See - The Ralph Rule

In TomasinoWeb, my old organization, the higher ups (i.e. just the VP for Human Resources) decided to make a set of rules for the org room just to show that  non-members can't just barge in and get free wifi, therefore hindering actual TomasinoWeb members from using the org room.


That totally happened, goddamn it!

In TomasinoWeb, my old organization, the higher ups (i.e. just the VP for Human Resources) decided to make a set of rules for the org room just to show that, yes, we're not just about having fun. We have fun most of the time. We do follow rules.

These 22 rules tell the average new member about the culture of TomasinoWeb. Each organization has their own culture and TomasinoWeb was no different. Here's a part of it.

Read rule #16.

"Thou shall not cite libelous words against CTHM girls."

That is the Ralph Rule.

It came from my constant joking of CTHM (College of Tourism and Hospitality Management) girls. Jokes that I can't say here without legal repercussions because this is written. If it were spoken word and not recorded, it's all legal. Sort of. My knowledge of law is messed up right now.

I may or may not have said a couple of jokes about CTHM girls but come on, "libelous words"? I think not. I can be bitter, horrible, biased, misinformed, and a bastard. BUT LIBELOUS? Hold your tongue, dear.

...Okay, I may have said one too many jokes for the Ralph Rule to happen. But I still won't apologize. Never!