"Adriana" sent Ralph a message (Part 2)

Yes, Adriana's email was too long for one post. Plus, it was just so stupid with all of the misspellings.

If you missed part 1, click here. Other than that, let's go on with Adriana's long and rambling email.

do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a baror osmehting like that...

Craigslist will probably help you out since there are horny weirdos like you hiding in that website. And bar managers require their employees to have the ability to spell. "One bere and miartiani, comming uup!" doesn't really look too nice.

really anythgin cause my current job is funand all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. icurrently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be outmeeting people.. 

What do you do then? Telemarketing? Emails? Oh, oh, you're a Youtuber! I heard a lot of YouTubers are either attractive or stupid. Either way, people love them and they make money out of being stupid.

oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what idid? hmm shud i......???? 

This isn't a conversation, you know? You can just tell me instead of wasting ellipses and question marks.

ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded outon me.. 

I already am.

i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chatwith people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW..

Well, you do what you love and you never have to work another day, right? NO IT'S NOT RIGHT, YOU VAPID IDIOT!

How do you get paid though? Ad revenue? Sponsors? I mean, who would actually sponsor webcam chat when the audience is composed of guys jerking off in front of their computer?

Oh. Right.

DAMN YOU, VASELINE!

like ifigure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and playwith myself heheh...

Yeah, it's like people uploading Let's Plays on YouTube. Why play video games when you can get paid to upload videos of you playing the video games? It worked so well for people on YouTube. Hell, even the YouTube guy with the most subscribers is an immature weirdo who screams a lot about rape in his videos.

anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NOTHATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need helponce i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....

I DO LOOK DOWN ON THAT! You get naked on camera for money! And apparently, you've done it so much that you can afford a house and move to my neighborhood! Don't you fucking dare talk to me if you ever see me walking down the street.

like isaid before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NONSTOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and imhopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

If you can afford to move, why can't you buy a new computer? And don't you have a smartphone where you can send emails? You can afford a smartphone since you can move houses on a whim, right?

By the way, doesn't your email automatically save drafts? Why couldn't you just edit and send that draft instead of having to type everything over again since your computer constantly freezes? Maybe your laptop was attacked by a certain someone with freezing abilities...

DAMN YOU, MR. FREEZE!

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives eachof us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code ucan lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay likeeveryone else...

Oh, so you do have a boss? Huh. That's... odd. I don't know what kind of credentials she has though. "Can you supervise naked weirdos? Yes? YOU'RE HIRED!"

Since you are giving me a session for free, why not just Skype? I really don't want to have to log in and see other girls I don't know shove cucumbers up their crotches...

the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we canchat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLYUSE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if morethan 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER...

Maybe I will share these codes. It's not like there are a lot of websites out there where you can see naked girls on webcam...

I said "naked girls", not "dicks".

 i figured u cudalways email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let melogin half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...

Again, have you tried Skype? It's much better than some weird website no one's ever heard of. Wait, your email account doesn't let you log in half the time? What do you use? Lycos? Or maybe you just keep misspelling your password like a little kid. I'm going with the latter.

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. butremember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUSTU... 

At least you're dedicated in keeping me happy... :)

im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( 

Yes, and you're doing so well with that education. What was it you're doing? Getting naked on webcam for strangers? You're like a low-class porn star. Hell, porn stars make better money than you.

Ireally thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evernremember me hahha.. 

I checked Facebook message history. I don't remember you at all... :(

anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably

soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. 

YES! PLEASE STOP WITH THIS RETARDED EMAIL! It was like you were typing with one hand while you were groping yourself with the other.

im gonna go start work.. ireally hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of mystress about the move... REALLY i mean that....

You're probably gonna have too much fun touching yourself before you even get to see me.

anyways once i see u ininsdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours..

Oh so you do have a cellphone! Use that instead of your shitty laptop! Wait, how do you know what I look like anyway if you can't find me on Facebook?

if u dont wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find menow days..

No, no, I know where I can find other people like you.

See? I even got 4 more emails from people like you.

 if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get thereafter my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. 

So you're telling me you won't be able to check your email account after you've somehow sent me this email because you're instantly cutting off your current internet connection to move? But you said you worked at home, getting naked on webcam! If you're computer keeps freezing, how are you able to work your "job"?! Do you have a second computer? If so, why not just use that to check emails?!

but im hopignto see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code imgonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLSINSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im outfor now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana

Don't you fucking dare lick my balls, you horny weirdo. I hope your computer fries itself beyond repair and you lose your naked webcam job.

---

Well, that was fun actually. I absolutely enjoyed making fun of that email. Thanks for reading it all the way through and I hope Adriana didn't give you a headache with her bullshit spelling skills.

"Adriana" sent Ralph a message (Part 1)

Checking my emails recently and got a really old spam. But the thing that I like about this particular email is that it's just so bullshit and specific that it's really bloody hilarious. It's apparently about Adriana and you talked to her once and she's been emailing you constantly. Here, see for yourself as I rip it apart.

Subject: "Adriana sent you a message...?"

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive beentryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece ofgarbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been? 

*You're. And how much processing power do you actually need where sending emails freezes your laptop? I have two laptops and they don't freeze when I send emails but maybe that's because I use Google Chrome. Are you using an older version of Firefox? Internet Explorer perhaps?

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and thenI think u deleted me :(

Oh, we used to chat a bit on Facebook? Here, lemme check my message history.

No, I don't see you here, Adriana. Lemme check older messages.

Nothing here as well. Let me try really old messages since you did say we used to chat a lot.

No! Nothing here as well! Adriana, you're lying to me and my message history. Sure, I delete people a lot to the point where I don't remember their names anymore since they don't matter now but never once have I deleted someone named Adriana because I have never had a friend named Adriana (as of this writing). You think I'd break off a friendship without even knowing that friendship existed?

haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things totell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke upabout 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEARU.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..

1) I don't really care if you're single because I didn't really know anything about our friendship until this email. And I assume he dumped you for a girl with a laptop that doesn't freeze. Also, this email is getting long so how is your laptop able to send this without freezing? Internet cafe?

2) Really now? 3 cousins and you chose to live alone near some guy you barely know on the Internet? Priorities, woman.

Also, how do you know where I live?! Oh right, freakin' Google Maps probably told you. My house is the one that has my name on the sign outside.

Yeah, that's the one. So that must mean your house is...

Oh my god, there you are! Wow! This is such a small neighborhood!

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move..

 NEVER in my life have I ever told a girl I'd like to "chill" with her. I'd like to "hang out" with her or I'd like to "kill" her is something I'm more likely to say than "chill". And why did you move in the first place if you were too scared?

im hoping this email addy is stillthe one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe evenhelp me move my shit in...

Jesus Christ, now wonder your boyfriend broke up with you - you can barely spell. Either that or you're having a seizure as you typed this and yet continued to do so. And no, I won't help you move your stuff. Casual hookups don't help each other move stuff; people in relationships do.

are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui wassoo confused...

You couldn't find the user interface of your Facebook account? It's the first bloody thing you see when you log in to your Facebook account. My god, are you THAT confused about everything? First it's your spelling and now it's basically using the computer. Get help.

anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town andtake me out so u better be around bebe...

Yeah, I can totally show you around the pawn shops and the bus stops but that's basically where the tour ends.

we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know ubetter when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnttell u cause i wasnt single lol

Even if this is coming from a spam bot who says the same stuff, I still find that hard to believe. I mean, come on, you can tell me I'm cute! It's a compliment, not a marriage proposal!

ok so more info about me.. well im23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out fordrinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel..

So basically, you're the exact opposite of me.

 i have a lil kitty namedBOO and i luv her to death... 

She probably hates that you keep moving to the neighborhood of every guy you try to hook up with.

uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too butevery gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and allthat.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..

 I DON'T. I don't like sex! You don't know me at all, Adriana! How could you! After all those times you said we chatted! If we did chat, I'd have probably said "I think you look great", not "ur cute, let's fuck"!

Also, I find it funny that probably some guy out there fell for this and thought "WOW! She's perfect! Now I remember her!"

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i getthere enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arentmarried yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there..

You've seen my message history! You weren't part of that!

And married? I'm still on practicum (as of this writing) and I do nothing but play video games on my days off! Why the hell would I be married when I still have Assassin's Creed Ezio Trilogy to finish?

10/10 Would recommend it to friends

No, Adriana, you can't come over to play!

Things I See - I Love Internet People

One of the things I love to watch are internet review shows. Now I've been a big fan of The Spoony Experiment (the main influence I had for my Art Appreciation self-portrait which I didn't do because reasons) and I tried doing what he does by reviewing shitty Sampung Sulyap movies.

I know I wouldn't do very well if I just follow what he does and imitate his work. I have to watch other people's shows as well. So I decided to watch "Atop The Fourth Wall" hosted by Linkara. It's basically a show where he reviews comics and with a little story going on as well at the end of his videos.

The first videos of Linkara I watched were his review of the Marvel crossover called Ultimatum (which was baaaaad.)

Linkara's pretty awesome.

I recently started watching more internet shows because I don't really watch TV now aside from the occasional glance at the news. Another show which I started to watch is The Jimquisition hosted by Jim Sterling. I love his opinions and the points he makes. I can't tell you how many times I've agreed with what he says because he's damn right most of the time. His campy persona is also great. Thank god for Jim!

I first heard about Jim when my friend shared his various status updates to my news feed and I was intrigued. The cool thing was that my friend was Facebook friends with him. I thought I'd somehow send him a friend request that would never get accepted but several hours later...

Oh my god, I can interact with people I love watching. THIS IS AWESOME.

Things I See - Dave Molds

I was chatting with my friend Dave and we were talking about what we do now as jobs. He works as a child therapist and I'm doing lots of volunteer work in Canada. Somehow the conversation led to this.

Things I See - You Didn't Look At My Profile, Did You?

Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with looking at past pictures of other people. It's always fun to look at how you friends were in the past. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's embarrassing. Wait, if you put an embarrassing photo of yourself on your Facebook profile and get upset when people somehow see it, why the hell did you upload it in the first place? But I digress.

Although, in today's times where stalkers (like me) run wilder than Hulkamania in the 80's, it just feels weird to find out that someone is looking at your old photos. Not that it's a bad thing, it just feels odd when I'm on the receiving end of it (I'm not a tourism girl, goddamn it!).

Thank you, Gen. Thank you for looking at my old photos and going on a liking spree, you weirdo.
(Kidding, Gen.)

Things I See - Mass Deletion

I was just really, really pissed off one morning for various reasons that I don't want to share here. I was still in the brief depression I had when I first arrived here in Canada and I just thought "Hey, these stupid people are online and they don't care about me. Why should I care about them?"

If it's not legible, it says "You are no longer friends with:"

And this wasn't the complete list. I really deleted a lot of people and enjoyed it. I must've deleted approximately 45 people on my friends list on Facebook. It was a therapeutic experience to get rid of people who I know I can't develop friendships anymore. Consider it something like "Out with the old, in with the new" and my motto of "Everyone is replaceable" in effect.

Grand Apologetic Gestures

Again, a photo of Facebook has got me thinking.

Awww, the first one is so sweet and the second one is so heartbreaking! Bless that guy for giving that girl flowers and damn that guy for ignoring her!

That's your supposed reaction. In reality, we are just outside looking in. We don't know the whole story.

For the first half of the image, the guy does a grand apologetic gesture with a sign that says "I'm Sorry" and flowers for a girl he must have hurt (Wow, he and I are so similar). However, if you think about it, did she actually forgive him? What did the guy do to have to apologize? What did it mean? Was it actually worth apologizing for? Did the girl even accept the apology? Did she say on Twitter that the guy ruined her day? We may never know but somehow, that moment is being played out as romantic and sweet without the proper context.

In the next half of the picture, a girl kneels in front of a guy and the guy doesn't accept the apology. He walks away. Outside looking in, the guy is being vilified as heartless but do we know their situation? Perhaps the girl was the one that did something unforgivable and the guy didn't forgive her yet but rather needed time to think things through. Maybe forgiveness was out of the question. Perhaps the guy didn't want their situation publicized in the middle of a parking lot. There are lots of possibilities. But really, it's not always the guy's fault but somehow, we're vilified as the ones who are always in the wrong and have to make the first move in everything, including apologies.

So what does this show? That guys have to be the ones to make the effort, regardless of what the girls did. What did the caption of that photo say? "Girls are girls and to respect them is the first thing that a guy should do." Yes, that is a good message but what if the girls are the ones in the wrong? Can't these romantic women have some sort of faults or are people so sympathetic to them that it causes double standards? If the woman didn't forgive the guy, surely, people would say "Wow, he must really be a dick! How independent of her!" Everyone should have the same ground of faults. There shouldn't be an unfair gender that gets all of the advantages.

The Gullible Share Jesus

I know I'm not supposed to be posting rants here but goddamn it, I can't stand it anymore.

I hate seeing Jesus on my Facebook news feed. Not that I don't like him (I do) and not that I'm a bad Christian (I really am) but I just don't like these kinds of photos. These bloody photos of Jesus from the film Passion of the Christ are not a good sight for anyone in Facebook. What's worse is that there are conditions when you come across these photos.

"Share if you ACCEPT Him"?
"Share if He means EVERYTHING in our life <3"?
"IGNORE if it doesn't"?

Oh no, I ignored this photo. Jesus must not mean a thing to me! Oh no! Call the priests! I'm a bad man! Bullshit. Hell, even the grammar isn't that great. "Ignore if it doesn't"? Did you just refer to Jesus as "it"? Oh my, that's not very Christian of you.

It's one thing to be Christian but sharing a photo of a bloody Jesus or a photo of an ACTOR will not give you bonus points in your religion. Basically, you think you're sharing that photo and telling everyone that you love Jesus but in reality, you're just spreading some meaningless picture that was made in MS Paint and emotionally blackmailed you by tugging on the strings of your feeble beliefs into sharing it. Just because it says "Ignore if [he] doesn't [mean anything in your life]" does not mean that you shouldn't ignore it! It's not like it's a test or anything.

Another stupid version of this was the "Share if you love Jesus, ignore if you love Satan". An image of the devil from the cult movie Legion was shown as Satan. When I ignored it, I actually felt... nothing. NOTHING. BECAUSE IT'S BULLSHIT. When you share one of these photos that try to parade itself as a way of showing your love to Jesus, you're just proving to anyone that you're a weak, gullible idiot who'll share anything. So stop it. Show your love in private. Don't get anyone else ticked off because you shared 12 pictures of a bloody Jesus Christ "showing your love for him". That's not love you're showing if you share THAT many photos. That's just gullibility.

Share if you like this post. Ignore if you love Satan.

Just kidding.

"Like this and I'll answer" challenge - For Denise Ann V.

Oh thank goodness someone else liked that status update. I thought I was done for the evening.
-----

• Name I call you: Denise and "moe girl". Okay, I haven't gotten around to calling you that last one but I'm planning on using it.
• How old you look: 16. And you act like you're a 13-year old fangirl. Haha!
• Rate 1-10: 9. In chibi form, 10.
• Are we close: Our social link rank is 6, according to my social links menu. D:
• Are you worth my time: Of course. You're few of the people in 1Lit that I actually like and worth spending time with. The rest can all go jump off a cliff.
• Would i talk to you: Yes, because that's what we do almost everyday unless we're being dubbed by awesome voice actors.
• Would i hug or kiss you: Hug, sure. Kiss? No, you have cooties! HAHA!
• Do i ♥ you: Only if you're chibi. Then I'd fawn over you.
• What are we: Social links. I need to max yours out but I don't know how. Maybe I'll get a cute shota doll for you or something.
• Do i like your profile picture: Yes. Unicorns~!
• Do i trust you: I trusted you and Camz with the sarcasm sign, does that count? HAHA!
• To be honest: I actually thought you were another boring literature student that seems quiet and all that regular introvert stuff. Turns out you're the exact opposite. Shows what I know about being a sociologist, right? HAHA!
• Have you ever made me laugh or smile: Yes. Lots of times. Especially when you're acting in chibi form.
• Have you ever made me mad: Nope. So far, no, so don't start now. HAHA! :P
• Should you put this as your status: Yes! DO EET!

"Like this and I'll answer" challenge - For Nicole C.

Maybe I'm enjoying this too much. I just love babbling on about my friends. Call me crazy.
-----
Like this and I'll answer:
• Name I call you: Nicole, "Anak", (former) "Favorite college daughter"
• How old you look: 17
• Rate 1-10: 10. See? I can compliment you~ :P
• Are we close: Yes. (College) Father-daughter relationship.
• Are you worth my time: Of course and always. :D
• Would i talk to you: Yes.
• Would i hug or kiss you: Hug, of course. Kiss? Eh. You have cooties. HAHAHA! Kidding.
• Do i ♥ you: Yes. ;)
• What are we: A college family.
• Do i like your profile picture: Yes, of course. I have to like it to be a good father. HAHA!
• Do i trust you: Of course. :)
• To be honest: Without this college father-daughter thing we have right now, I would not even be talking to you that much because we have nothing to talk about back then during first year.
• Have you ever made me laugh or smile: Yes. By laughing at "Love Hurts".
• Have you ever made me mad: A little. You made me cry in poetry class by making me listen to "Pakisabi Na Lang" by Aiza Seguerra. I hated you for a minute there. Haha!
• Should you put this as your status: Yes you should. Listen to your college father! :)