Sunday, July 23, 2023

But you're still the same

You know it's kinda weird to see someone you know you were going to ask out in the near future and you just lose feelings for them in a snap. It's like the lights turn on and you see that the room's been empty and everything you've assumed inside wasn't there after all. It's hard to explain.

Part of me thinks I'm fickle and I've just grown accustomed to that feeling of temporary infatuation. Then you realize it doesn't matter and you don't matter to them and it was all just overthinking in your head. You're back to square one with one less person you had feelings for.

Lately, I've been too focused on nothing, if that makes sense. I really, really wanted to see if things go right with this lady. I really wanted to take a chance and see where it goes.

Monday, June 5, 2023

Risk Failure

There's a quote I always go back to whenever I have a setback in work or my career in general. It's a quote from wrestling manager and former promoter Paul Heyman said in the Rise and Fall of ECW documentary.

"I'll risk failure. Sometimes, half the fun is failing. Learning from your mistakes, waking up the next morning, and saying 'Okay. Watch out. Here I come again. A little bit smarter, licking my wounds, and really not looking forward to getting my ass kicked the way I just did yesterday.' So now, I'm just a little more dangerous."

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

With Thanks To My Teachers

On Tuesday, I had my last day alone in the classroom before the disrespectful classmates came back for the last two days of class. I like to think that Tuesday, January 17, was my final day in school. I've said my goodbyes. I've taken in the moments in the empty classroom. A classroom I won't see again soon.

My teacher was there on campus surprisingly so I was able to thank her properly for all her help. I couldn't have made it this far without her. The back row of classroom was considered cursed because the people I shared a row with had either quit or got kicked out. It was depressing for me but my teacher was happy that I stayed and made it through. I told her how nervous I was to move on, how sad I was that I wanna know what happens next. She said she wouldn't have given me all these tasks in class if she didn't think I can do it. She believed in me when I know I couldn't and I consider that a kind gesture.

Today, January 18, I properly offered my gratitude to another teacher. She called me a kind person, which I appreciate. Sometimes I don't feel it but I try to be kind whenever I can. "Always try to be nice but never fail to be kind," I said. I told her that I was thankful I had her as a teacher. She basically said that the best thing for a teacher was to watch their students flourish. I thanked her for being patient with me and how I can never thank her enough.

I could never thank these teachers enough. They changed my life. They taught me everything I know in this new career I'm taking. I wish I won't disappoint them.

Monday, January 16, 2023

Being Done With School


Everything ends and it's always sad, but everything begins again, too. And that's always happy. Be happy.
- 12th Doctor

Part of me is sad that school is ending. I mean, it was only a 5-month course and it was so good to get A's again. It's been years since I've done well in school. This is just a step to a better career. I had great teachers that helped me out so much. I'm sad about my routine being over. Graduation goggles, as they call it.

I could do so much more. So much more. But this is what I get. My reward. Well, it's not fair!
- 10th Doctor

I had high hopes of making good connections with these people I called classmates. Despite my optimism for new social links, they have been disappointing, to say the least.

 I wish it could've gone differently with these people but at the same time, I dislike everything about them for how they treated me. I honestly can't stand them hindering class with their bullshit, if I'm being honest (and I always am).