Monday, January 10, 2022

Be Positive

 I've tested positive for Covid recently.

I now want to hallucinate that I'm on a beach, meeting people from my past like in Grey's Anatomy. 

Monday, November 22, 2021

How To Save a Life

I've watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy, I admit. Well, up until my last favorite character had left in season 16 and I was stuck with the weird ones I didn't like as much. Anyway, I'll admit I never considered watching it until I started watching it with a girl I liked. Well, I liked her, she didn't like me at all, so I just watched it on my own (Screw you, Rebecca.)

When I'm feeling depressed, I admit that I've imagined myself being resuscitated by paramedics. It's one of the few scenarios I think about. Like, I collapse at work, paramedics come, and in my head is just this song and as dramatic as it sounds, I'm just seeing all the women I've had feelings for. It just makes me realize that I'm alone until the end.

Sunday, October 10, 2021

No, I'm not happy for you

Something that really, really gets to me is that I have to be happy for some people. I don't want to be happy for certain people who've hurt me or have discarded our friendship for someone else. I know it's petty but I prefer to deal with it that way instead of faking a smile.

No, I'm not happy you found someone. I'm not happy you met someone online. I'm not happy you're spending time with them. I'm not happy you only talk to me when your boyfriend isn't around and you're bored. I'm not happy you're revolving your life on this new relationship when in reality, you've just shut off your social circle.

No, I'm not happy for you.

Thursday, October 8, 2020

How I Never Met Your Mother [Part 41] - Conflict to Whatever

Kids, in 2012, I decided I wanted to shift courses in the next school year. I really wasn't enjoying my course anymore. I didn't know if it was just a sense of dread from Jill's rejection, the organization not being fun anymore, my course being serious and not being what I thought it'd be. It was hard that my friends were noticing a change. 

Karina: Hey, are you alright?
Ralph: What? Yeah, totally, definitely, totally, I'm fine, totally. 
Karina: Well, for one, you said "totally" three different times. Are you alright?
Ralph: I am fine. Totally. 
Karina: That's four now! 

The worst part? Your Aunt Monica shifted to another course as well. So I was still with my other friends but it wasn't the same without my best friend. It felt like a piece of me was gone. Someone I trust was gone so it's from seeing each other daily to just chatting online.

I had made it known to my classmates that I was shifting courses. I wanted to change to a different course and see how my luck would turn out. I was unsure of my course. I was unsure of my future.

It all changed when I was told my family and I were going to Canada the following year.

Friday, July 31, 2020

And I Just Can't Pour My Heart Out To Another Living Thing

Everyone has a song that breaks their heart, whether it's because a memory is assigned to it, the lyrics are soul crushing, or it's just a very sad melody. Mine just so happens to be "Out of Tears" by The Rolling Stones. It's a sad song about not being able to cry anymore after things have ended with someone, if you want to get literal about it.

The chorus is what gets to me the most as it summarizes how I want to feel about losing someone, but trying to be strong about it.
I won't cry when you say goodbye
I'm out of tears
And I won't die when you wave goodbye
I'm out of tears
Out of tears
Whenever something sad happens that involves a person I cared about, that's the song I play. It helps me let it all out. This song played when multiple occasions where I had to accept a harsh reality about someone I cared about.

When I found out that a girl I liked in 2018 was married.
When I realized I wouldn't be seeing this friend anymore because she got a new job.
When I had to cut off my best friend in Georgia for a multitude of reasons.
When I found out a friend of mine in Manitoba who I liked isn't coming back for another year.
When I had to end things with a girl I loved recently.

It's a tough song for tough moments but as the song says, "some you lose, some you win".