Video Game Thoughts - And For A Fortnite There, We Were Forever

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been 12 decades since my last confession.

Somehow, as much of a game collector I am, physical media fanatic and all, lately the only game that's got me hooked to play daily is a free one - Fortnite. You know, that game where familiar characters from media end up showing up in if there's enough demand. What other video game could you have Sabrina Carpenter, Sonic The Hedgehog, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, and Bugs Bunny be in the same band together? That just sounds like a fever dream.

What's that, Father? When did this start? Well, I'll tell you.

I only started playing at the end of April because during that period, I was a Chappell Roan simp (she's gorgeous) and my cousin showed me the Fortnite trailer of Chappell Roan being added to the game. As a Chappell Roan simp at the time, I thought "Wow, never gonna play that, despite the pretty lady!" and ran off to play another Yakuza game. But eventually, curiosity got the best of me. There is no entry fee, per se, to play Fortnite. All the other items for sale are mere cosmetics and music tracks you can use for the Guitar Hero-style mode in the game, which is fucking awesome by the way. Eventually, I realized that the main hook for the store is skins. "I don't want to keep using the weird default characters!" I said in my head as a I plop my debit card down to my PS5 controller. "I need to look cool so I need to buy skins!" I said as I searched through the Fortnite store.

Funnily enough, I just missed the Chappell Roan music pass and ended up with Laufey - a singer I had never heard of before the game. I didn't know who Laufey was or how to pronounce her name correctly (Turns out it's Lay-vay). By sheer exposure of the music in the main menu of the game, I ended up enjoying her songs 🎶like a mad, mad womaaaaaan🎶. That's when I realized, "man, is this how I find new music now?" The answer is yes, Ralph, it is.

I believe it's the fear of missing out on certain skins people like that add to the flair. Sure, people play with the default skins and don't pay a dollar to play the game because that's what it is after all - a free-to-play game. Paying for cosmetics doesn't add anything gameplay-wise. It just adds to the fun/absurdity of seeing Batman shoot down Olivia Rodrigo - a dream I had, that's for true.

I suck at regular battle royale - only winning a handful of times in the 5 months of constantly playing the game. You can say it's a skill issue - it is - but regardless, I'm having fun. If I were a streamer like I was in a past life cycle, I would be streaming this whenever I can much to the chagrin of my companions in multiple streaming groups. I'd have just kept on shooting and eliminating other players until the inevitable elimination coming to me because I got cocky.

Speaking of chagrin of friends, ever since I started this addiction, I haven't really played other video games as much as I have with this. As of this writing, I have nearly 400 hours, which is close to my hours in GTA V. It's not out of a lack of trying. Compared to last year, I finished nearly a dozen single player games like Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth, Ghost of Yotei, and Assassin's Creed: Shadows. This year, I don't recall finishing a game yet because I've been too intertwined in Fortnite. I've bought several games to try and kick me out of this addiction but with how low maintenance Fortnite is and how I don't need to have my focus into thinking of a plot compared to some games I've played, it's a quick and easy way to get a high.

What's that, Father? 12 Hail Mary's? Thank you, Father.

Convenience of Choice

Lately I've restarted my CD collection after I bought a CD player on a whim.

I specifically bought this JUST because it looks like a record player. The arm is how you play and pause the CD, which is a neat touch.

With physical media being brushed aside in more ways than one, I thought I'd make it a point to start another CD collection just as I do with my video games. Compared to video games, it's not like my music will come in different formats - it's just music CD.

Thankfully, my law firm is close to a record store that just so happens to sell CDs as well. I search for a Rick Astley album - none. Damn it. Maybe next time.

The mall still has a music store that sells records and CDs so of course they'd have a lot of artists. Rick Astley? Hell yeah! How about some pop music like MUNA? No? Oh. Okay, that's fair. How about Laufey? She's super popular right now so they would definitely have her albums. No? Oh. Fine, I've been getting into Ethel Cain lately! Surely, surely, there'd be something. No? Damn it!

I want to support local businesses or even brick-and-mortar stores but the things I'm looking for aren't there.

So I go to Amazon, see a Laufey album in brand new condition, and I get it the next day.

FUCK.

Sometimes, I hate the convenient way sometimes when I'm trying to support the non-billion dollar online store.

Macho Thinking

I remember seeing this post in 2016 from an account in Instagram I used to follow. I remember hating existence because the cellphone company I worked for at the time was sold to a bigger company and that meant we got their dipshit customers coming to us for help with their 80 dollar phones that they expect to be working like 800 dollar phones. "No, sir, your phone only has 8 gigabytes of storage. No, I don't know how to increase internal storage. No, you can't put a microchip in your phone to locate it. This isn't a spy movie."

I really didn't know what to do because I was at a point where I hated going to work because I knew it was gonna be a shit day with shittier customers. With each day chipping away at my sanity, I hated all the stupid questions because they became more frequent.

I can admit I was burned out.

I saw this post and thought "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU". I remember feeling so insulted and invalidated when I read this. I hated waking up and I hated existing so seeing some gym bro talk about how people don't have the right to be burned out because others have it worse. "Damn, I am burned out and I hate my job every day but I should just push through because some guy I don't know is dying."

Fucking hell.

I remember reading this and realizing that this is not the kind of person I want to be where I just use other people's misery as motivation because fuck that noise. Mental health only matters to these motherfuckers when it affects them.

Burning out matters because that's when you know something has to change. You can't just push through it with no change whatsoever because that's how you destroy yourself even more.

Wait, gimme a minute.

Also, I just realize that the guy who said this quote got run over by a train because he was trying to outrun it for his own energy drink commercial. Maybe it's best not to listen to idiots like that.

Store Closure

Something that I always need is closure. Not that I always get it but it's great when it's acquired. After a therapist session, I've actually wanted to see the place where I worked at years ago just for closure.

I don't know, it felt weird at first, being in the same place after 4 years of not stepping foot in the same mall. Being back in the same mall was actually taking my time and browsing places I haven't been to in years at my own leisure. It was genuinely a great feeling to not feel rushed.

Looking at the store made me realize that I'm not who I was before. I'm not in that life anymore where I loathed customers coming in 5 minutes before closing and then they bitch about why I'm getting ready to close. I don't have to deal with gross individuals who constantly return clothes way after the return period. I don't have to deal with wardrobe people buying a ton of clothes for a TV show then returning them to ruin my numbers.

The best part was I don't have to deal with horrible management. I hated working with my manager, who would call me on my days of to talk for no reason, ruining any and all peace I have. I hated working with my coworkers there. I liked working alone.

I liked not working retail anymore, especially not at this particular store.

Do the "Act like you never met me"

 Good afternoon, everyone! It is currently December before Christmas and it's almost the end of the year!

LET'S GO! Another year almost over! Time to start all over again in 2026.

I mean, 2025 has been a learning experience more than ever for me since I chose to go back to therapy after 3 years. It's been something I look forward throughout the week. Nothing like having someone to actually listen to you, give you advice on how to deal with your bullshit, and actually tell you that your insecurities are normal and actually valid.

Something I always say is that talking helps. Talking it out with someone helps you verbalize your thoughts and lets you bounce it off of someone. Talking to a therapist is a way better thing to do because that's their specialty. They're there to help you understand what you're thinking and helping you decide to see it another way.

My therapist also helped me try to do things I used to love doing. It's great to actually care about stuff again, despite how other people feel about me.

Now everyone do the "Act like you never met me"!