Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires - Easy Empire Building

As mentioned before, Dynasty Warriors is the series that got me into video games so I apologize on behalf of it. Sure, Grand Theft Auto is what made me actually enjoy video games but Dynasty Warriors is what opened the door to the bottomless pit. Specifically, Dynasty Warriors 4 but I’m not going into that today since I feel like I’d be repeating myself. As much as I love said fourth iteration of Dynasty Warriors, Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires is my favorite game in the “Compilation of Dynasty Warriors 4”, which also includes the main game and Xtreme Legends.

“Screw you, Final Fantasy VII. Compilation of FF7? More like Complication of FF7! Hahaha wasteland!”

Lemme tell you how I even got this game in the first place. I saw it was for sale in the Philippines but I didn’t have the money for it. A year later, when Christmas time came about at fifth grade, I asked for Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires for the Secret Santa wishlist thing we had in class. Sure enough, my best friend at the time got me that game as a gift. Nine years later, I bought a used copy of the game for 50 cents on Amazon. Well, 3.95 for shipping. So that’s still less than 5 dollars for a game that I still absolutely love.

So, let’s talk about Dynasty Warriors 4: Empires, the first iteration of the surprisingly fun Empires spin-off. You pick a character to have as a ruler and you get two random dudes to start you off in your simple task of conquering China. You start off with three characters at first because in the original game, there were three characters unlocked in each kingdom when you first start the game so it's a nice callback.

Ralph's Writing Collection - CTHM Stalking Exercise

"What's this, Ralphy? Did you just really stalk that Krisly girl in 2011?"

NO. OKAY, CONTEXT FOR THIS ONE!

In 2011, for Literature 208 class, we were given an assignment of stalking someone and writing about them. The only rules were that we shouldn't have been seen and we shouldn't know the person. The subject didn't have to be anyone of the opposite gender. I remember the professor who gave this assignment - let's call them Hot Coldman - told us that they wrote about an old man in the park. I thought it was a huge waste of time but hey, what can I do? It was required. I think I had some classmates cheat and say they stalked each other but I can't confirm that since I was just eavesdropping. I wasn't sure if I did the assignment well nor did I want to get arrested for stalking because I'm not good at stealth. I'm no Solid Snake.

Mr Coldman: "Ralph, why's your stalking exercise late?"

Me: "Kept you waiting huh?"

Anyway, to the post!

Let's Play - "Seen" by Polychroma Games (Part 2)

Theme music!

Okay, so we made a friend last time and she seems nice. I mean, she hasn't been mean to us but what do we know? Chemistry class is the easiest class ever since the teacher is lazy in giving homework.

Let's Play - "Seen" by Polychroma Games (Part 1)

Theme music!

I was at a self-imposed conundrum last time because I had to come up with a name for Nicole Tyler. The problem I have with the name is that I just know too many Nicoles plus I'd just be wasting the "Rename Nicole" feature I had. I can't use the old name I typed in before because that'd just be retreading water and no one else would get it but me. Plus, I'd have to use the picture again. Oh god.

Another problem was that picking Max Caulfied from the game Life Is Strange wouldn't make sense either. I've played this game several times and Nicole Tyler is way more different than Max Caulfield. I've played Life Is Strange and found that it would just ruin the experience because out-of-character Max would ruin immersion. I'm probably just overthinking this.

Let's Play - "Seen" by Polychroma Games (Intro)

Seen by Polychroma Games is my watered down equivalent to the film 500 Days of Summer. It's a love/hate relationship. I love the game but at the same time, I hate thinking about it because it's reminds me of things that'll never happen. Maybe because I'm a dramatic weirdo. See, I made the genius mistake of using the photo and name of a girl I used to like instead of the default name, which just made the game even worse for me. Basically, this game became my misery simulator.

If you're curious, here's my review once again because I like plugging the hell out of that review.

As much as I hounded the praises of this game months ago, I'd like to play it again for my blog because I am slowly hating it the more I play it. Not because it cuts too deep - you can't cut deeper when you've hit bone. I'm over the emotional tug of the game, I've taken my medication and anything to make me not be depressed, and now I can definitely play this game without a hint of emotion! Delightful!

Enough talk, let me show you the game.

"Superkick Party" by Suplex Industries - Elite Time Waster

As you probably realized, I love professional wrestling no matter how stupid or incomprehensible as it can get. I even love fun wrestling games even more. There are a lot of fun wrestling games on consoles but not a lot for mobile. Sure, there’s WWE Immortals which is a fighting game that should’ve been released on consoles because it’s that epic. WWE 2K15 was also released on mobile but it’s unnecessary since it wasn’t fun in consoles so how the heck would it even be fun on a smaller, less powerful device? How about a simple game based on wrestling instead? Yes, that’s something even better since we don’t have to play with more than 2 on screen buttons. Let’s talk about Superkick Party, a paid game on Android and iOS.

Sink or Swim When The Sunset Comes

By the end of the year, I'm not entirely sure where I'd be - as would anyone in the world. What I have right now is a daily routine with comfortable seat in a ship. A routine that got me everything I ever wanted from baubles to technology. It's a good day as long as my head's straight.

I've been on this ship for quite a while now and I'm pondering a lingering question:  Should I stay or should I go? Darling, I've got to let me know.

The season's slowly changing and the days are about to be different. The ship is going down. The days will be longer and more agonizing with little to no regard for anyone. The shadows won't be the same.

In the words of the Tenth Doctor, I don't want to go.

"Stay then," says my conscience.

But I don't want to be more miserable than I already am. So I can't stay. Staying in familiar water would mean I'll just be driving myself loony all over again.

People make me miserable. People who come by the ship and demand outrageous things. I remember having an episode 6 hours before the year was stricken from the record. There's only so much stupidity a man could take in a regular day. It made me realize that the degenerates don't care about your well-being as long as they get what they want. "I know your day is over but what about me?!" What about you? What about me?

Maybe I'm just rocking the boat. The boat however is still sinking as each day passes and there's nothing I can do to change the situation. The choices I have in my head bother me. Stay where I am and wait for the new ship to arrive with more lunacy in the same dirty ocean, or go somewhere else that takes me to new places. Tough but fair.

Sun's setting, Shamrock. Make a choice. And live.

Pokemon Crystal Version - Crystallized Memories

It's coming right for us! *gunshot* (Photo from Amazon.com)

When it comes to RPGs, Pokemon might be my favorite. Maybe I’m looking at it through rose colored glasses.

I remember playing my first Pokemon game - Pokemon Red. I bought the cartridge from my friend when we were in third grade for less than 3 dollars Canadian and I had that cartridge till 2013 when I left it in the Philippines. It was great that I spent more than 100 hours and more than 60 pairs of batteries just to play the game. Mr Bing still hasn’t forgiven me for taking his smoke detectors’ batteries for my Gameboy but I needed to get out of Rock Tunnel, goddamn it. To this day, I never actually finished Pokemon Red. I was too busy exploring the game. That is, until I played Pokemon Blue and got lucky by freezing the final boss’s last Pokemon. Take that, Blue Oak! Damn right I killed your Raticate, bitch! Smell YOU later!

Pokemon Red made me experience the Pokemon games but Pokemon Crystal made me love them for what they are - a grand adventure to become the Pokemon League Champion. If Pokemon Red was the main course, Pokemon Crystal is the full course meal with shrimp cocktail on the side. As it was on the previous games, you are a 10-year old who’s set on a journey. Boy or girl? Doesn’t matter, it’s all aesthetic. Lord knows why you can’t just go to school but hey, that’d be no fun. Going to school with all sorts of creatures at your disposal? Sounds like a Persona game. Scratch that, I’d love to see trainers in high school with their Pokemon. Anyway, fun ideas aside, you’re tasked to get a Pokemon from the professor next door and go on a journey for science, which means filling up the Pokedex and beating the League champion.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater - What a Thrill

I'M STILL IN A DREAM! SNAKE EATER(Photo from GiantBomb.com)

I don’t like playing stealth games, I’ll just say it outright. I just don’t have the patience for it. I hate waiting for enemies to move slowly and dumbly while my bullets are strangely not in their heads yet. It feels like they don’t WANT to get shot in the head. This is why I haven’t played games like Splinter Cell or Hitman that much because if things go awry, you’ll be in a huge disadvantage because you’re outgunned, outmanned, and outmaneuvered. These games weren’t really meant to be played as third-person run-and-gun shooters after all.

That’s just me though. I’m not saying they’re bad or wrong. I don’t hate stealth games; I just don’t play them because I suck at them. I hate indie 8-bit platformers that are unfairly difficult just because they’re “retro”. There’s a huge difference. To each their own, I guess. But as someone who doesn’t like to play stealth games, I wanted to try Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater to see if I’m old enough to play it. Yes, that was my reasoning. When I was a dumb 8-year old kiddo and still lived in The Philippines, I remember watching an uncle play Metal Gear Solid on the original gray PlayStation and I couldn’t understand anything. All I saw was “guy in bandana is sneaking in an evil military base while big marshmallow enemies search for him.” Oddly enough, I remembered that memory 10 years later when I first bought Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.

Post 2 - July 3, 2012

Hey! This story isn't dead! Sorry for not updating it in this blog sooner.

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July 3, 2012

Posted by Jason at 3:21pm

Another post? Awesome! It’s after school so I have time to write on this blog.

Have I told you about my friend Joey? I think I did in the last post but lemme tell you how awesome the guy is. I’ve known him since high school and he’s been a blast to be with. Like, one time, we were stuck in a boring talk about god-knows-what at the lecture hall. He and I did nothing but text each other. Thank god teachers don’t check for cellphones inside coat pockets. Well, coat pockets of a coat that’s technically hidden inside a bag full of textbooks. Thank god for unlimited texting as well because god knows where we’ll be without unlimited texting.

Joey’s one of the few guys that I’d actually hang out with and I won’t feel like a burden. I used to think that I’d hinder him and his habits of picking up women. I remember one time on Valentine’s Day he told me he got the numbers of 15 girls at campus in 2 hours. I can vouch for this because he showed me all of their numbers. That’s some Glengarry Glen Ross stuff right there. I’m so sorry for the old movie reference as well as comparing women to real estate sales.

Joey never called them all, strangely (because I would’ve called each and every one of them without a doubt) but that’s how he met Celine. She’s an architecture student who’s in the same year as us and she basically told Joey off after he asked for her number. I’m surprised she became a friend of ours even after Joey’s attempts to flirt with her.

I sit beside Joey in every class because I don’t feel comfortable sitting with my other classmates that I don’t know. Joey is like the only person in class that talks to me, as sad as it sounds. We’re in a class of 28 people and half of them are guys. 12 of those guys sit in the other side of the room while Joey and I sit in the back corner of the class. He thinks it’s great because we’re “surrounded by girls”. Whatever makes him happy, I guess. I’m just thankful I have a friend to talk to in class this semester.

Oh god, if he ever reads this, he might think I have a man-crush on him. I don’t, Joey! I don’t! We’re like brothers and that’d be incest!

Anyway, thanks for reading this again, guys.

Till next time!
- Jason

Post 1 - June 29, 2012

Hey guys! I have a story that I'm posting on Wattpad but because that website is being forceful, requiring people to register a Wattpad account to read a story, I'm posting it here on my website! Surely, that's a good idea. Here you go. It's called "Posts About Her".

I hope you guys enjoy!

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June 29, 2012

Posted by Jason at 3:19pm

Hey guys! Welcome to my blog. My name’s Jason. I hope you – any of you – find my thoughts interesting. I’ll keep you posted on whatever I have in mind and hopefully, I don’t bore you to death. Haha! Sorry, I just got home from school and I don’t know what to write right now.

Let me tell you a bit about myself though, if that’s all right.

As I said, the name’s Jason. I currently study in University of Sylvester Thomas. Freshman in Media Studies. Hopefully I graduate in 4 years. I love taking photos around the campus and posting them online. I wish I could be a photographer someday (fingers crossed!) but my camera recently broke thanks to my slippery hands and a puddle. So don’t expect any photos from me as of the moment.

My school guidance counselor told me that I need to somehow express myself in one way or another. Breaking my camera was a kick in the head but writing seems to be the alternative for me. I admit that I avoid (see: dislike, loathe, or fear) talking to a lot of people. It’s like I can’t strike up a conversation with anyone spontaneously. I don’t even know how people do that. “Hey, I see you’re breathing air. I breathe air too. Let’s chat.”

I do hang out with my friends after class though. My best friend Joey is the best in the world at being a friend and I think I don’t deserve him as a friend. We’re opposites in the social spectrum. As freakin’ amazing as they are, life happens. I mean, of course I can’t go out and party like they do but I regret not doing so, you know? My friend Celine told me that it’s no big deal. I know it’s not a big deal to her but it is to me. Like, I do wanna have fun and share great moments with my friends. I just can’t bite the bullet and have a fun night out without being an awkward weirdo. “Hi! Me Jason. Me friend of Celine and Joey! You like weather? Happy! Haha! Happy!”

I just feel like I’ll be a burden to them sometimes. I hate talking to them about my problems but this blog seems like the perfect place for my various thoughts. At least, I think so. The guidance counselor suggested I get a journal but my handwriting sucks. I’m more comfortable with a keyboard. So of course I’m going to use this blog.

But hey, if you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Till next time!

- Jason

An email from FB-USER277

I love checking out my spam folder and seeing all this garbage emails that only a dope would believe. As if I'm THAT desperate for female attraction that I'd think some random girl on the internet would actually email me. But this isn't as lengthy as the other one I received but I haven't done these in a while so why not check the ol' spam folder and see if I got any goodies.

HEY! Noticed you on FB and was hoping maybe we could hook up.

Really? Are you that desperate? How'd you find out my Facebook? And why is the first reaction you have to seeing someone's Facebook profile is "I WANT THAT MAN'S COCK IN ME"?

Can you text me if your interested in at least talking a bit and seeing where things go

First of all, *YOU'RE. Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E is "you are". Y-O-U-R means "your"! Also, you don't even know me so why would you let your thirst consume you? You thirsty whore.

I just really need to have some fun in my life again and thought you were cute

Thank you, I know I'm cute (my mother says so). And you need more fun? Have you never heard of a PS3? There's always Skyrim to consume your life!

you can text me at 646-396-6367 ? PLS!talk soon! HSF (hot single female) :p

I really don't wanna know where that number is from, to be honest. Could it be a real phone number? Could it be a telemarketing company's? Could it be a middle aged housewife who's thirsty and wants some fun from men online? Who knows!

Also, I like how the bot has to put "hot single female" in the end as if it really is tempting me. What if a gay man received this, huh? You insensitive bot! MYSOGYNY!

I'm kidding, I'm not a social justice warrior who complains about everything.

Video Game Thoughts – Fus Ralph Dah!

Okay, don’t judge me, I’m only human. It took me 2 years before I started playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. I already bought the game twice in 2013. I first bought the game for 5 dollars at a pawn shop out of curiosity but then I’d rather play Red Dead Redemption.  I then sold it for 9 dollars at an EB Games store for a copy of Yakuza 4 – which I haven’t played yet as well, oh my god, what is wrong with you, Ralphy?

After several months, that particular pawn shop had another copy of Skyrim at the same price of 5 dollars. I bought it but then I got distracted by playing Grand Theft Auto V, a wonderfully massive game in its own right. After a year of playing GTA V, I’ve kept making excuse after excuse to not play Skyrim. Assassin’s Creed: Ezio Trilogy, which is one of my favorite PS3 compilations ever, took a lot of my time until I got to the mediocre Revelations part. After AssCreed, I played Deadpool, Bioshock Infinite, Minecraft, and a lot of others that I can’t mention at the top of my head. Basically, I put Skyrim at my game shelf as it collected dust in two years.

Based

Of course I haven't been posting a lot recently aside from Video Game Thoughts. I have been writing a lot more though, just not for my own blog for some reason. I've written like 6 video game reviews on games that I have an opinion on, whether good or bad.

See, there's this website called BasedGamer which is apparently going to be like Rotten Tomatoes for video games. They do have that but it's called Metacritic. So basically, BasedGamer is an alternative for those two sites. A smaller, lesser-known alternative that hasn't launched at the time of this writing.

Personally, I like writing about video games - I already write about them in this blog - but I love it even more if I could help out a new website and interact with this new community.

You can visit BasedGamer by clicking this link.

Video Game Thoughts – Call Of Duty's Appeal

Let’s talk about Call of Duty. Specifically, the Modern Warfare series – America The Video Game. Basically, evil people from Russia want to start World War 3 and change the world. I could be wrong, and I most likely am, but no one plays Call of Duty for the story. They play it for the killing!

The thing about the Modern Warfare series is that you have to have some patriotic love for America. Call of Duty most likely makes people feel like big damn heroes when finishing the game. “FUCK YEAH!” players seem to say, “WE STOPPED TERRORISM BY BLOWING SHIT UP! FUCK YOU, TERRORISTS!” Finishing the campaign of the Modern Warfare series gives you a sense of patriotism for either the US or the UK.  Yeah, about that… I lived in The Philippines for 20 years and that country doesn’t even make me feel a bit patriotic. Now I live in Canada for 2 years now and I still don’t feel patriotic. Perhaps that’s just me though. 

This is what deconstruction games like Spec Ops: The Line teach us about – that there are two sides to every conflict, that you – the hero – might actually be causing more damage than good. Sure you killed those Russian bad guys, Modern Warfare player, but did you consider the kind of damage you did to the surroundings like that small business? The owners invested their savings on that and you just shot 67 rounds of AK-47 bullets onto their walls. They were saving up for their daughter’s college tuition!

Okay, maybe that’s not the kind of specific thoughts that Spec Ops: The Line wanted to convey. Sure, you’re being a hero in the country you work for but what about all the lives you killed, you monster?! How dare you find fun in this battlefield!

The best way to play Modern Warfare is to turn your brain off and I don’t mean that as a derogatory way. I treat it as a mindless shooter. Enjoy the ride and don’t bother questioning anything because, god forbid, you want to have fun in a video game!

Though Modern Warfare does try to grip you emotionally. In the first Modern Warfare game, you have a player character die, struggling to walk in the middle of a cauterized city after his helicopter crashed from a nuclear blast. His comrades and a ton of civilians are killed in that blast and all his efforts are for nothing as he dies alone in scorched earth.  In Modern Warfare 2, after your character goes through a super difficult mission of getting information from the bad guy’s computer, he gets shot by his general and burned alive. We know he’s alive because we still get to play as him as he’s being burned alive. In Modern Warfare 3, Soap – a character that you played as in previous iterations of the game – dies after falling from a clock tower. Okay, maybe the emotional factor does try too much. You can’t have an emotional moment when it’s expected in every game and when you’re kicking so much ass.

I finished Modern Warfare 2 and 3 recently and I still consider those as my favorites because they’re basically summer blockbuster action movies.  One mission in the second game has you driving high speed in snowmobiles while going down a mountain and dodging damn trees who try to give you a hug. To finish off said mission, you get to jump across a huge gap in the mountain and land on the other side like a badass doing parkour.

Spoiler alert, I even enjoyed the final mission of Modern Warfare 3. I loved taking the role of a character in a Juggernaut armor and destroying the lives and faces of a few hundred armed guards. And you know what? I didn’t care about who I killed. I was in armor, shooting a Rambo-like machinegun, with dozens of dead people who were in my way. This wasn’t the message that Spec Ops: The Line gave me that I should feel ashamed about all the killing and I should feel guilty about the harm I’m causing. However, Call of Duty made me realize that blowing shit up and killing people IS FUN.

Maybe that’s the message people should just take from the Call of Duty series – that it’s just fun. It’s not about telling a story. It’s about shooting people who want to shoot you as well. Forget the politics and the message that it’s trying to give. Whenever you die in the game, you are greeted with an anti-war quote that basically tells you “there are no winners in war and it only ends when you’re dead”. It’s ironic to get an anti-war quote when you’re having so much fun giving people a few more eye sockets using bullets from Mr. Assault Rifle.

Maybe we gamers should stop complaining about how Call of Duty is dull and shallow. Perhaps it’s best to see it as the McDonalds of video games – no nutritional value but we still devour what they deliver because what they deliver is great! Modern Warfare does not have a deep and engaging story unlike Spec Ops: The Line, Suikoden V, or Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII but that doesn’t mean we should dispose of Call of Duty entirely. It’s fun, it’s shallow, and why bother changing the formula?

Video Game Thoughts – Mobile Gaming Confession

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. It’s been… five years since my last confession, I think. I don’t wanna talk about what I did back then but let’s just say I’ve downloaded a few dozen videos of the “hot Japanese girls” kind and I’ve always had a good night’s sleep. Anyway, where were we? Oh right, confession.

I’ve always considered myself an average gamer. I’m not good at any particular game as I’ve always been the load of any team in a first person shooter like Call of Duty or Counter-Strike. Yes, I try my best when I play multiplayer but my best is apparently using my head as a bullet magnet.

I’ve never gotten past the Taurus Demon, an early non-required (I think) boss in Dark Souls and never bothered again after the first half dozen attempts. It’s like I said “Okay, you win, I won’t bug you again, Mister Demon. May I please have my spine back?”

But I’m not THAT much of a beginner that I won’t play huge games like GTA V or Just Cause 2 and lose interest because I don’t know how to use the controller or one of the new features like the character-specific skills in GTA V or the grappling hook in Just Cause 2.

What’s that father? Well, yeah, I’m also aware - not an expert, mind you - of which games go into which systems. It’s not like I’ll ever say that a Halo game would ever be playable on a Nintendo Wii or think that I can use an Xbox Kinect on a PS3. True story: on my vacation in the Philippines, I heard two women talk about how they were going to buy a PS3 just so they can play Just Dance 4 with a Kinect. A freakin’ Kinect.

Lastly, I’ve also spent hundreds of hours playing Dynasty Warriors games to the point where I start to think that if I hadn’t ever played Dynasty Warriors 4, I wouldn’t be playing video games to this day and I probably would be happy with life, have a lovely girlfriend (probably of the “hot Japanese girl” kind), and wouldn’t be posting this right now but we can’t all have what we want, now can we?!

But I need to confess that I’m actually enjoying those free-to-play games on my Android tablet and phone. You know, those games that expect you to pay for in-game money with real money. The main difference with spending 15 dollars on a copy of Arkham Asylum: Game of the Year Edition and buying in-game money for something like Gangstar City or High School Story is that Arkham Asylum never asks you to pay for anything again.

The only downside to playing these free-to-play games is that they ask for an infinite amount of money, which is not alright when you compare it to most console games.

The thing about these microtransactions is that they’re used to make everything quicker. I’m not saying that console games that I love don’t offer them – GTA V offers “Shark Cards” which is instant money – but console games don’t usually require the microtransactions out of the gate.

A $20 game such as Batman: Arkham City – Game of the Year Edition, will still cost you $20 (without taxes, of course). The Game of the Year Edition comes with all the DLC of course so that’s not really fair. Let’s say, Dynasty Warriors 7. There is no Game of the Year Edition for Dynasty Warriors 7 and there is a ton of DLC for this game. The big difference is that the company still makes money off of a new copy, digital or physical. Dynasty Warriors 7 DLC is of course not required to make the game flow faster. It’s more of the mashed potatoes to your 20-piece chicken meal, you fat bastard.

A game like Simpsons: Tapped Out involves waiting for hours but could even reach up to, and this is true, 90 days. The same could be said for Family Guy: The Quest For Stuff and Japan Life. You tap and wait. Tap and wait. Tap and wait! Once you finish waiting, you tap again and you wait some more. It gets to the point where you think “Jesus Christ, I know the endgame is making a city but at what limit?!”

Mobile games never end. That’s why they’re free. They give you momentary satisfaction in something that lasts a lot longer than it should have. The difference between mobile tap-and-wait games to a game that never ends like, say, Minecraft is that mobile games are free and would give you something to pay money for. Minecraft, on the other hand, asks for money upfront to something that never ends and you can create that city however you want it with little blocks. The only similarity is that these kinds of games never end. Minecraft however will always continue to exist outside of micropayments you make.

Now you know where I’m getting at, right? There is no end to mobile games and majority of them will always try to needle you for money somehow whether it’d be energy or waiting time. Then why do I play them then if I say they’re terrible? I like testing them out and giving me a momentary high that doesn’t make me keep coming back. Of course I can’t play GTA V or Just Cause 2 while I’m on the bus to work unless I feel like a dick and bring my own TV to the bus. That’s what mobile games are for. Pop out your phone and launch the free game. Use up all your in-game energy for 10 minutes and stop because you have to go to work. Not much of an addicting high but enough to keep you going for a part of the day. Maybe I just like the short bursts of highs instead of the commitment high that GTA V gives you. You don’t have to invest large amounts of time in mobile games, perhaps that’s why I like them nowadays. WWE Supercard always gets me 20 minutes through the day even though. Maybe I just need to admit it.

I like mobile games!

Video Game Thoughts - 3DS Love

In February 2014, I remember buying my first 3DS because I needed a handheld console. Not wanted; needed. Even though I already had a PS2, a PS3, and an average laptop that could play 2D games at best (because my knowledge of PC purchasing consists of the answer "I'd like a black computer that goes fast please!"), I still needed a handheld console to play some games that aren't on the consoles like Pokemon or Animal Crossing.

The PSP I had that was jailbroken which allowed me to play illegally downloaded--I MEAN--purchased games was starting to fall apart. The battery case got lost, the plastic case it was in was collapsing like bread in a bowl of milk, and the analog button was as defiant. I wanted to go right; it refused and wanted the character to stay put. I wanted to move straight forward, then it decided it wanted to go right. It was like a whiny girlfriend who didn't want you to do anything when she's around.

The DS Lite I had is still wonderfully working though. Have I told you about my DS Lite? It's a pink DS Lite that has a glittery plastic case on it. I bought it last 2013 before I left for Canada and to be honest, it's my 2nd DS Lite. My siblings broke my first DS Lite which had a manlier color of blue and black. Surprisingly, the pink DS Lite is the best DS I had since it's reliable and doesn't have battery problems so far. Plus, it's pink! I love the color pink! The bad thing about the DS Lite now is the lack of new games for it. I could get nearly any game I want for it because I own an R4 cartridge which lets you play DS roms on your DS. The problem with that is more interesting games are on the 3DS nowadays.

When I got my 3DS, it was a spur of the moment purchase that I don't regret up to this day. I bought it at a pawn shop for 90 bucks. The 3DS came with a box and a charger. It felt brand new but there were pictures of the previous owner in it. I thought "Wow, this must have been loved by the previous owner... TIME TO DELETE ALL THIS SHIT!" I didn't know the girl nor do I care enough to send her the pictures she left behind. If she didn't care enough to save those pictures before selling her 3DS to a pawn shop, why should I care to save her pictures, right?

Anyway, the first game I bought for the 3DS was Animal Crossing: New Leaf. Basically, a cute debt simulator. It was fun for the 3 months I've played it but when I accrued half a million worth of debt in the city's real estate agent. Before he could break my legs as collateral, I stopped playing the game. Gotta run away before the bats come in play.

The next game I bought was Pokemon Y. The good thing about this was that I bought it for one third of the price at a thrift store. Thankfully, no one likes video games there so I bought it at a reasonable price. 10 dollars for a game that's been out for 3 months is a great deal, right? Booting up the game led me to the old owner's save file and his batch of Pokemon. I thought "Wow, this must have been loved by the previous owner... TIME TO DELETE ALL THIS SHIT!" His Pokemon were alright but I barely remember them at this point. I tried to enjoy Pokemon Y as I usually do but the occasional flickering of the bottom screen whenever I use the roller skates and the new camera angles in certain areas turned me off the game. Fuck you, Lumiose City, I hope a Call of Duty villain sends a nuclear bomb on your face.

The Streetpass feature of the 3DS was interesting for me at first. Every morning, I ride the train to school and usually I get at least 2 Streetpass hits from people, 10 at most. It's fun as it made collecting them and seeing what kind of caricatures of themselves other people were making. It became a chore eventually, seeing that green light on the corner of my 3DS and some chucklehead making a "randum" mii to send.

As much as I get tired of the 3DS and its games, I still love it. It's not its fault I'm an old man who hates making games feel like a chore to play. To make my 3DS stop gathering dust, I recently bought Puzzle and Dragons Z and it's somehow addicting because it's a matching game mixed with attacking the living hell out of monsters. It's Pokemon mixed with Candy Crush, basically. Perhaps this is why I got tired of my games now. I got used to mobile games that are just simple and ready for a quick play while I'm waiting for the bus that games like Pokemon and Animal Crossing don't interest me that much as they require constant investment in time. Perhaps this is just a side effect of getting older.

Maybe at 90, I'll still play with my 3DS and finally finish Pokemon Y.

Sprott Shaw College

If you had told me three years ago that I would be graduating college in Canada, I would’ve laughed at you and said you were genuinely insane. Three years ago, I thought I’d graduate with a degree in literature. I thought I’d be writing the next series of novels that will be turned into big movies. “Take that, The Hunger Games,” I would’ve said mockingly.

Now, I’ve never actually planned on enrolling in Sprott Shaw College but I did see the ads on transit. Every time I saw those ads, I had two thoughts running in my mind:

1) “I’m never going there because I don’t know where their campuses are.”

 2) “Why the heck do they have ads everywhere? I keep seeing purple and blue on buses now.”

That didn’t stop me from enrolling anyway.

On August 27, 2013, I was browsing online through several colleges that offered hospitality management courses, curious as to what my options were. Among those choices was Sprott Shaw College or “SPROUT Shaw College” as I called it before actually reading the name clearly. I asked a question on their website, expecting to receive a generic machine-generated response in my spam folder. The next day, I got a phone call from Sprott Shaw College telling me that they booked me for an appointment.

“Hi Ralph, this is from Sprott Shaw College. We booked you for an informational interview at the Vancouver campus this Friday.”

My initial reaction was “WHAT?!” followed by “I was planning on eating pizza and Chinese food that day but I guess that’s out of the window now, eh?” I didn’t want to be rude so I just agreed to it. I had to go to a campus where I have never seen before in Vancouver, a city that I could easily get lost in. However, instead of not showing up for an informational interview, I thought it could be nice to at least be aware of what I could be missing out on. It wasn’t like I was going to actually enroll there. Haha. Ha. Ha....

Now, I wasn’t really sure at first on whether or not it was a good idea to enroll in a college that I had little to no knowledge about so I wanted to see what it was like. It was a different atmosphere from what I was used to. I was used to big, open universities with hundreds of classrooms in a dozen buildings. Sprott Shaw College Vancouver had a dozen rooms in an office building. I felt claustrophobic at first because I missed seeing shades of greenery out the window instead of disheartening gray buildings. I wanted to back out as soon as I entered the building.

However, I was told what possible jobs I could get hired for if I took a course with Sprott Shaw. I wanted to do something in my life and a literature degree was not the door to open for that path. I wanted the path to hospitality management and Sprott Shaw College was going to show me the door.

My patience is tested every day. I was promised that everyone spoke English but on my first day, the first thing I hear was everyone else in the classroom not speaking English at all. At first, I was absolutely annoyed that no one wanted to speak English. It had come to a point where the entire room was speaking in languages other than English despite the school having an English-only policy. “If none of you want to speak English,” I thought, “I’m going play loud videos of someone speaking English really fast.” And I did. I played Zero Punctuation, a series of videos from the internet where the critic speaks in a disturbingly fast voice just to annoy people who didn’t want to speak English in class.

I’ve also had rough encounters with poorly chosen group mates for presentations.

One particular group mate drove me off the wall for a presentation due for Technologies class. The project was due in ten days but the first five days were spent faffing about and going in circles. The particular classmate wanted something specifically done in what she wants but what she wants was unreasonable, insane, and utterly pointless in the end.

So what I did was basically go behind this faux leader’s back and make a presentation of my own for everyone else to present, just so it can be done and we can move on. I had to spend 5 hours editing and recording videos followed by 2 hours editing the presentation while doing laundry at night. When I showed it to everyone, the particular classmate basically said that it was wrong according to her vision and it was at that point where I had to scream in the hallways just to get the hate out of my system. Eventually, I was so fed up that the people at the front desk and the director saw me screaming in the hallways.

Despite this extremely negative experience, it never occurred again. I never had that particular useless classmate ever again and she never got honors for her bossiness. I did my best to be the best and it worked well for me without screaming.

I never wanted to give up. I didn’t want to cut my study of hospitality management just because I lost faith in it. I didn’t want to quit two courses in one lifetime. I’m not that big of a quitter. As the months went by, I was finally going to attend my college graduation. All my hard work had led to a graduation ceremony that I thought I was going to miss because the poster said May 22 and I misread it as March 22. I thought “Oh, I missed it. Oh well. Maybe next year.” However, after noticing that no one was removing the posters, it had come to my attention that it was actually May 22 and I thought “OH MY GOD! GRADUATION!” It was a graduation that I thought I would never have since I never finished my college degree in the Philippines. I thought I would never experience a college graduation in my entire life.

The one problem I came across was that the blue graduation gown couldn’t fit me. I looked like a potato wrapped in adhesive tape. Somehow, I’ve built up enough goodwill from the staff that they ordered a new graduation gown for me free of charge. I told them that they must’ve stolen bed sheets from a children’s hospital just to make the graduation gown fit me.

Sprott Shaw College has given me opportunities that I never would’ve gotten in my old university. I could never say that I had the opportunity to be a contender to be the valedictorian for batch 2014 yet Sprott Shaw College proved me otherwise. Sure, I wasn’t able to get it for some reason but to be able to say I was very close to being valedictorian is still a great achievement. The first paragraph of this was actually part of my graduation speech that was rejected.

I would never have had that opportunity in my old university, in my old life. Never could I have said the words “My graduation speech” in a sentence without the phrase “Does not exist” if I were still in my old university. I consider my experience at Sprott Shaw College to be the right path that will lead me to something even greater in life. For that, I’m thankful for every second that I have spent there. I never regretted a single moment in that college and I would always be grateful.

WankPad

I was at a bookstore in the Philippines the other night and I came across the funniest pile of bad literature ever. It could be classified as piles and piles and piles of the Twilight and Fifty Shades series. It was the first time I ever laughed so hard in a bookstore and I wasn’t even reading anything.

Judging from the titles alone, you don’t even have to read any of these books to know what they’re about.

Lemme give you the recurring themes of what these Wattpad stories are about:

- Guy is from a private school; girl is from a public school; can they solve their differences and bone each other by the end of the story?

- Guy is authority figure like a teacher or a boss; girl is being ordered around by guy; can they solve their differences and bone each other by the end of the story?

- Guy is a gangster/playboy/miscreant; girl is goody two-shoes; can they solve their differences and bone each other by the end of the story?

- Guy or girl got friendzoned; nothing is forever (apparently); everyone’s bitter

Not that I don’t find clichés offensive – I do fancy some cheap thrills like Filipino action movies and pop music – but I’d like to ask though: who are these for? Teens who’ve never seen the films 500 Days of Summer and Definitely, Maybe? Teens who’ve never experienced a good romantic relationship? Teens who don’t have access to good dramatic media?

I can understand catering to teens but that’s what the young adult section in your local bookstore is for. Don’t you fucking tell me that a book like The Fault in Our Stars is on the same level as a WattPad story like She’s Dating The Gangster. That’s like saying a PlayStation 3 is just as good as a McDonald’s happy meal toy. Sure, they’re both fun but who are you fucking kidding? I would rather play Grand Theft Auto V than a cheap Shrek figure. Yes, Wattpad fans, I compared your romantic bullshit stories to a cheap Happy Meal except the Happy Meal is actually better because I get momentary satisfaction from the food.

It feels like the equivalent of cheap romance novels sold in places where you least expect them to be sold. When was the last time you heard any one of your friends say “Hey, I’m going to buy some romance novels at the drug store”? No, really, when was the last time anyone bought those cheap romance novels?

Cheap drug store romance novels and cheap WattPad romance novels are similar yet they’re so different. Cheap romance novels tend to remind you of soap operas whether they’re The Bold and The Beautiful, Passions, or The Young and The Restless. The cheap Wattpad novels remind you of Korean romance TV shows. Hell, one of those books even had “The first Korean anime novel in the Philippines”, whatever the fuck that overly narrow superlative means. That’s like when your friend Billy says “I’m Dad’s favorite son” when, really, you’re Dad’s only son. Fuck you, Billy! Your dad hates you and wishes you would run away.

Anyway, the point is: it’s possible that the authors of said novels watched a few Korean dramas like Meteor Garden or Memories of Bali (all dubbed in Filipino, of course) and thought “Hey, I wish I could experience that! I should write something like that!”

At what point could all these Wattpad stories be considered as wank material?

Think about it: it’s all romance and it’s basically wish fulfillment. It’s what Vince McMahon calls mental masturbation. You’re thinking about something you have no control over; you’re just mentally jacking yourself off. You’re writing the same shallow tripe with little to no substance whatsoever and you’re not a better person out of it. You just want to be the person of interest. You just want to have that bad boy authority figure fall for you. You just want to be picked special by a playboy because he sees you as something different from the dozen girls he likes.

Instead of letting these Wattpad authors continue what they do and spread the cynicism that “nothing is forever”, I’d like to introduce them and their fans (who don’t know any better) to the concept of video games.

*ahem*

Hi, Wattpad dramatics! Have you heard of “video games”? 

“Video games, Ralphy? What are those?”

Let me tell you about them, reader. They are absolute fun! They are more fun than putting salt in your melodramatic emotional wounds and spraying that blood around like a girl who went swimming while having her period.

“That sounds interesting, Ralphy.”

No, that period blood would most likely make the pool disgusting to swim in, chlorine or not.

“No, I meant the video games part!”

Oh, good. That’s good of you to know, reader. Now let me tell how you video games can help you so you can stop winging and moaning about your love life at 16.

Are you heartbroken? Play some Dynasty Warriors 7 and Dynasty Warriors 8 for the PS3! What could be more fun than mowing down at least a thousand enemies in one stage? Certainly not writing about how you’re lonely like the miserable fucks that you are, and you know you’re miserable because you’re writing in Wattpad. Jesus Christ, FanFiction.net writers have more dignity than you weirdos--Sorry, that got lost on me. Where was I again? Right, video games!

Do you have the need to date cute girls? How about some Persona 3 and Persona 4! If you want to play as a female and date some hunky boys, grab a copy of Persona 3 Portable for the PSP. It’s much better than crying about being lonely and how “nothing is forever”. Thank you for the insight on nothing being forever, Wattpad Nietzsche!

See? Was that so hard? Look at all the alternatives to writing bullshit for Wattpad.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to continue writing my story about a hunky gangster being fawned over by high school girls who think they’ve been friendzoned by him and other guys. But this is different since this’ll take place in space~!

I’m Ralph Corleone and that’s my opinion.

Rest In Peace, You Famous Person

It’s no secret that people die. It’s natural. It’s what makes everyone human and that no matter how much time we spend in the world, we’re all going to be worm chow sooner or later. When we eventually die, we’re remembered and forgotten by the people we love. This is the same for celebrities. They get remembered fondly for their public work but we will never fully know about their lives behind the camera.

The thing I would like to talk about here is how people react to celebrity deaths.

Celebrities die because, you know, they’re people. They’re people like you, me, the old man across the street, the tattooed drug addict who never pays bus fare, and the one girl you like in college but never really get a chance to talk to because they were busy with friends (I still like you, Michelle McTavish from 2nd year algebra class! Please notice me!).

Anyway, repressed college crushes aside; we know that people are affected when a person dies. We may not exactly have known the person who died but they have affected someone in some way. Whether they’re a friend, a classmate or a family member, someone who dies will affect someone else greatly in one way or another. (Michelle McTavish, I’m so sorry about your sister but I didn’t see her cross the street, okay? She still owes me a new bumper which her shins somehow dented!)

This goes beyond a new level when it’s someone who’s known by hundreds, if not thousands, of people.

Okay, let’s go for an example. I don’t want to use a real celebrity because I don’t wanna get sued or threatened by fans for fake killing their idol so let’s make up a celebrity here. Excuse me for a sec, I gotta think of a name.

And by “think”, I meant “generate randomly”. Alright, there we go. Now generate!

Okay, Hippocrates Gernot is our celebrity for now. Hopefully, I don’t insult any real people named Hippocrates Gernot out there. If I do, I’m sorry, blame BehindTheName.com, and hey, you got a cool name! Also, please don’t die because this will really be harsher in hindsight.

Anyway, we have Mr. Hippocrates Gernot who’s a big time Hollywood celebrity. He starred in movies such as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2: Even More Spotlessalongside Jim Carrey. He was in Broadway musicals like Ben Franklin in Paris, Bombay Dreams, and Cats, because as we all know, Cats will never, ever die. Mr. Gernot even released songs that featured singers like Michael Bublé, Tegan and Sara, and Paul McCartney. He has also made TV appearances in shows like WWE Monday Night Raw,Hannibal, and Sherlock. What’s even better about him is that he refused to appear in Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory.

Tragically, Hippocrates Gernot died after he was hit with a blimp. It kills over oneAmericans every year (Thanks for the statistics, Chandler Bing!). What’s even more tragic is that Hippocrates Gernot is bloody fictional because I was really starting to like him. When the news broke out that Hippocrates Gernot had died tragically, social media has been buzzing with sadness.

The hashtags “#ThankYouGernot” and “#WeLoveYouMrGernot” have been trending worldwide on Twitter for three days. People have been posting pictures of Hippocrates Gernot on Facebook with “Rest In Peace” written on them (along with the usual “1 Like = 1 Respect”). People have been putting flowers at the disaster site and blimp sales have gone downhill faster than your teacher making a couple of jokes in class.

You would think I’m exaggerating with the reaction for a fake celebrity death but if you’ve been on the internet long enough, you’d know that this is the exact same reaction you’ll see whenever a celebrity dies. You’ve seen it with Paul Walker. You’ve seen it with Michael Jackson. Cory Monteith, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Robin Williams, Harold Ramis, and Philip Seymour Hoffman - When they passed on, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of tributes for them on social media and you can’t blame their fans for feeling sadness about losing people who they have considered dearly for entertaining them throughout the years. As you’ve seen earlier, the tributes for Hippocrates Gernot’s death were massive.

However, it’s absolute bullshit to say “I don’t care about Hippocrates Gernot. I care more about the 25,000 people who die every day” in public. Oh really now, Mr. Empathetic? Do you even know all those 25,000 people? What have you done lately for those 25,000 people that just died yesterday? What about the next 25,000 that will die tomorrow then? Have you given them some sort of sympathetic gesture lately? Do they have some sort of emotional impact on you as each day passes by? No, of course not! Where’s your tribute for each of them if you do care? And this happens every time there’s an outpour of tributes for a recent celebrity death.

Mostly, people who say they care about the 25,000 people dead people every day are just ticked off that their newsfeeds are filled with people saying “RIP (Insert Famous Person Here)” because they don’t care. As horrible as it sounds, it’s alright to not care! Indifference isn’t evil! It’s not genuinely good but it certainly isn’t evil. If you say “I don’t care about the 25,000 people who die every day but I care about this celebrity”, it’s a horrible sentence to say out loud. You’ll most likely get harsh responses that range from “Wow, you’re an asshole” to “HOW DARE YOU!!! I HOPE YOU GET KILLED BY MUTANT GENITAL HERPES!!!” However, if you just shut up, move on, and just talk about TV Tropes or something, you’re fine.

So what I’m saying here is that everyone has a right to express their sympathies and condolences in social media. However, there’s nothing wrong with silently being apathetic.

Do it the easy way: If people are mourning the death of a celebrity on social media, you shut the fuck up and ignore them because it doesn’t affect you. If a celebrity dies, who’s affected? The fans! Are you a fan? No? Then you shut the fuck up! If you want to care about the 25,000 people who die every day, then you post something about them every day instead of just saying that you care more about those people that you don’t know. Or better yet, just do something nice for 25,000 people every day and don’t brag about it on social media.

I’m Ralph Corleone and that’s my opinion.