What Your Tumblr Says About You

Having a Tumblr account, in the Tumblr sense, is basically having a place to express yourself and somehow show other Tumblr users that you’re unique, that you could be different from the norms of society.

And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.

This thought of “uniqueness” is just a self-imposed veil of feign importance. Just because you have a blog to express yourself does not make you “unique” or “different from the mainstream”. Your Tumblr blog says a lot about you if you use it properly.

Nothing but reblogs of anything

“Look, I just reblog what I see. I’m easily amused and probably have nothing interesting to type!”

Reblogs of GIFs regarding your favorite shows

“I’m a total diehard fan and my life revolves around these scenes from my favorite show! HAHA LOL!”

Posting bad poetry

“I’m trying to be deep and using words as that tool. Watch me butcher metaphors and make these lines rhyme with little to no thought whatsoever!”

Posting good poetry

“I’m creative and I know it.”

Posting photos from your cellphone

“I’m a wannabe photographer who can’t even use a decent camera! I’m trying to be deep but I’m just misunderstood by society, or at least the society in my twisted head.”

Posting legitimately good photos

“I have a good camera and I’m actually using it correctly. I can actually take a good photo of something deep and meaningful, instead of using it to spam everyone with 200 shots of a latte from Starbucks.”

Posting meaningless whining

“I’m totally misunderstood! No one gets me! Watch as I bitch and moan about things with little to no value.”

Posting well-thought out blog posts

“I’m actually using my Tumblr blog correctly. I can post things that have annoyed me or have made me happy but regardless of that, I could still give my readers something entertaining or interesting to read.”

It’s a weird paradox. If someone posts something personal and well-thought out, people would say that the blog sucks and is boring. However, if someone has nothing but images taken from other blogs, people say that the blog is “awesome”. It doesn’t make sense. So basically, if Tumblr is for “expressing yourself” and people actually do express themselves, they’d get verbally abused (at the most) for not being funny enough.

It’s alright to reblog things but still, keep a theme. Simple theme. Like “my life”, “my interests” or “my school”. It’s doesn’t have to be specific like “The funniest things that could happen if you use quantum physics in real life”. If your theme is just “randomness”, get the fuck out of the internet because we don’t need you taking up space.

Things People Have to Stop Doing on Twitter

Despite the 140-character limit for each tweet you post on Twitter, it doesn’t stop people from doing things that are beyond sanity and bordering being pitiful and annoying. One long 900-character post is better than twelve 140-character posts because at least you can skip that 900-character post.

Forced trending

When something is trending on Twitter, it means lots of Twitter users are talking about it for the time being. The awful thing about this is that some people (mostly hardcore fans) try to make a certain term trending. If you follow one of these fans, you have the hassle of seeing the same term in 60 more tweets because these are the pitiful ones who have no life and try desperately to add something to the current trending list and when they do, what have they achieved? Nothing.

Nagpaparinig

Okay, so we all know that Twitter is more public than Facebook (although you can set your account to be private but what’s the fun in that?). With people always getting into conflicts or just getting annoyed, it’s natural for them to tweet insults directed at others. Why not just tell them directly and save people the trouble of reading them and asking? Of course it’ll seem entertaining to some who are tsismosa or actually know who those tweets are directed at but to the rest of us who aren’t part of the story and have no intention of being part of the story, please shut up.

The worst case scenario here is that one of your crushes would misunderstand and think that your tweet is directed at them. Hence, they’d eventually start hating you. (I know that feeling, bro.)

I have to admit that I actually do this occasionally but somehow, I make it entertaining and relatable in one way or another, even though I didn’t mean it to be.

Lying about followers

The biggest load of BS I see in my timeline is these quote accounts saying “Follow so-and-so. He can get you 100+ followers” or “WTF, I just gained 100 followers by following so-and-so”. This is bullshit because some people try to bandwagon. One of the people who tweeted that he got 100 followers actually has 28 followers. I know because I checked.

The fake celebrity accounts saying “I’ll personally follow you if you follow so-and-so. I’m checking” is another stupid thing people do, leading gullible and illiterate fans of said celebrity to follow that certain account. And it’s blatant here because, for example, the spelling is obviously wrong. Grammy Award winner Adele has a Twitter account “OfficialAdele” but these “parody accounts” (the only excuse they can use so they won’t get deleted) have similar spelling, replacing some I’s with L’s and all that. Literate people should tell the difference but apparently, being a hardcore fan deprives you from basic literacy.

Also, following them does not gain you anything other than spam. (Again, I know that feeling.)

Tweeting Too Much Information

Twitter is a micro-blogging site but somehow, people tend to abuse that by tweeting every action they do. Not just every action but every thought that pops into their mind and you can see, in just a matter of minutes, how people can go from angry to surprised to angry again to sleepy. As if they were freakin’ celebrities and their followers gave a damn about them. Next thing you know, someone will be tweeting “I’m breathing!” and “I’m exhaling” every few seconds.

Do we really need to know if you’re in the bathroom? Or if you’re having your period? Or if you’re having sexual dreams about your classmate? 

Ralphisms – “Is She Hot?”

One of my favorite things to joke about is this one – the “is she hot”. Basically, every time a friend mentions a girl, I ask “Is she hot?”

Ralph: Where’ve you been?

Friend: Oh I was meeting with a friend. She’s from legal management.

Ralph: Is she hot?

Friend: Dafuq.

Easy, right?

This is actually more suited for me rather than anyone else because it’s a running joke that I am a guy who hunts girls to love and beyond (which is an exaggeration of me). It works well because it’s like a different version of a joke done in “How I Met Your Mother” where Barney impulsively asks “Boobs?” whenever his friends mention a girl.

Instead of asking “Boobs?” (which would get me slapped more times than you can say “Sexual harassment!”), I just ask “Is she hot?”. I remember a friend of mine from sociology whose reaction was priceless when I asked that question. Basically, her face had “What the hell are you talking about, Ralph?” written on it.

When I ask the question “Is she hot?”, it gives lots of different negative thoughts from who I asked. They could think “Damn, is he desperate? How funny” or “Damn, he’s gonna pursue my friend”. Either of those is the reaction I’m going for. 

The Gullible Share Jesus

I know I'm not supposed to be posting rants here but goddamn it, I can't stand it anymore.

I hate seeing Jesus on my Facebook news feed. Not that I don't like him (I do) and not that I'm a bad Christian (I really am) but I just don't like these kinds of photos. These bloody photos of Jesus from the film Passion of the Christ are not a good sight for anyone in Facebook. What's worse is that there are conditions when you come across these photos.

"Share if you ACCEPT Him"?
"Share if He means EVERYTHING in our life <3"?
"IGNORE if it doesn't"?

Oh no, I ignored this photo. Jesus must not mean a thing to me! Oh no! Call the priests! I'm a bad man! Bullshit. Hell, even the grammar isn't that great. "Ignore if it doesn't"? Did you just refer to Jesus as "it"? Oh my, that's not very Christian of you.

It's one thing to be Christian but sharing a photo of a bloody Jesus or a photo of an ACTOR will not give you bonus points in your religion. Basically, you think you're sharing that photo and telling everyone that you love Jesus but in reality, you're just spreading some meaningless picture that was made in MS Paint and emotionally blackmailed you by tugging on the strings of your feeble beliefs into sharing it. Just because it says "Ignore if [he] doesn't [mean anything in your life]" does not mean that you shouldn't ignore it! It's not like it's a test or anything.

Another stupid version of this was the "Share if you love Jesus, ignore if you love Satan". An image of the devil from the cult movie Legion was shown as Satan. When I ignored it, I actually felt... nothing. NOTHING. BECAUSE IT'S BULLSHIT. When you share one of these photos that try to parade itself as a way of showing your love to Jesus, you're just proving to anyone that you're a weak, gullible idiot who'll share anything. So stop it. Show your love in private. Don't get anyone else ticked off because you shared 12 pictures of a bloody Jesus Christ "showing your love for him". That's not love you're showing if you share THAT many photos. That's just gullibility.

Share if you like this post. Ignore if you love Satan.

Just kidding.

Stubborn Possibilities

I'm not sure if I should call this a paradox (I even had a good name for it - "Ralph's Love Paradox". Too bad I can't use it). Anyway, I've noticed something about hopeless romantics.

It's always said in Twitter accounts, Tumblr blogs, and Facebook quotes that everyone should wait for the right time for love because sooner or later, love finds them. Sounds reasonable. Seems legit. However, some people want to search for their own love story because it's somehow sweeter that way. Now the question is, which is better - to wait or to search?

This is a bit depressing, depending on who you ask, but let's put this in a pessimistic point of view.

If a person waits for love then what if love never gets to that person in the end? Then they've just waited for nothing for all that time. If a person looks for love, what if they never search in the right places at the right moments, and end up not finding love at all? Dear god, being pessimistic sucks.

Optimistic people say that "true love will find a way" and leave it at that (because they're optimistic, duh!). Since there's no indicator, no icon, no popup notification that tells you if you've found true love, you'd have to find out if it really is true love whether it takes 3 months or 3 years.

So basically, the only way to deal with this is to never assume much but also never be pessimistic at all. It's like saying "I'd like to see where this is going" rather than saying "She's/He's the one!" (except it doesn't sound like you're talking about a transgender) and "Oh this'll end badly as usual". It's best to not be overcome by emotions garnered from wanting that love story and be calm about everything.