Friday, October 21, 2022

For The People I Knew

Lately, it's not been good socially. With school happening and work on the weekends, I can admit I haven't been social and getting new social links nowadays. Classmates are good, not great, I'll admit. Friendships could be better but I don't know. I'm a slow starter. It's not always clicking as it once did with certain people.

Speaking of certain people, the phrase "people come and go" come to heart. Personally, it's hard for me to keep people around. I admit I'm not a good person. I'm trying. I really am. And I don't know how to get better at it. A part of me is good at self-sabotage, ruining things easily because I feel like I don't deserve good things. I thought this part of me had been suppressed because I'm too good at suppressing emotions until they burst out. Thank you, Vancouver Community College 6th floor stairwell, for being my safe space. I refer to it as "my stairwell" during counseling.

If Grey's Anatomy has elevators, Ralphy has the stairwell

It's easy to tell someone they do good. It's easy to tell someone that they're a good person. The hard part is that person has to believe it. That person has to understand that all they do is good and that people are right.

I've lost people. And surely, I'll keep losing people. It doesn't get easier. It just hurts less and you get used to it. But it doesn't stop.