Wednesday, December 7, 2022

But You Make The Same Old Mistakes

The Doctor: You can't see me, can you? You look at me, and you can't see me. Have you any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone, I'm right here, standing in front of you. Please, just, just see me.

I'll admit I'm a dramatic man. I've done stuff to the point of insanity. Maybe it's the lack of interaction. Maybe it's how I find everyone disappointing lately. Maybe it's just me wanting to be seen by someone but really, it sucks not being able to connect with someone I'm infatuated with. There, I admit it. I make it plain and painfully obvious sometimes. I'm like an open book on a billboard.

It started at the bookstore. Last day to buy books before school starts. This fantastic-looking lady is buying books before me and sure enough, I heard her buy the same books I needed. 

The dramatic and romantic part of me instantly liked her. You know what? I can set the scene. I was a literature major after all. And you know what? Lemme tell you something dramatic in a way that only I can, literature major skills and depression combined. Usually, those work hand in hand with each other.


I arrived on campus a quarter to 10, not realizing that the bookstore opened at 10am. I walked into the VCC bookstore, hoping to find the books I needed. I overheard other people in the bookstore talking about books. Specifically, books I needed because I heard the term "legal office procedures" being said.

There she was. 

Oh lord, why? I thought. She looks fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

She buys the books I needed, and she inadvertently worried me that she bought the last set I need.

Thankfully she didn't. She and I stood side by side in the cashier line and I got curious. "Hey, are you also taking the legal administrative assistant course?" I asked.

She smiled and said, "Yeah, you too, I assume?"

That smile is infectious, I'll admit. I finally had a smile on my face that day. "I am, yeah, so I guess we'll be classmates."

We each paid for our books and she headed out the exit first. I stayed behind to catch a final view of this woman.

"I'll see you in class!" she says with a smile.

"I'll see you soon... classmate."

The song "New Person, Same Old Mistakes" by Tame Impala plays in the background as she walks away.

♬ Feel like a brand-new person
(But you make the same old mistakes)
Well, I don't care I'm in love
(Stop before it's too late, I know) ♬


I know that's not exactly how it went and I had to cut a few parts out such as dialogue and other places where I saw her but that's the gist of it.

But as time went on, it's taken a toll on my mental health, this lack of acknowledgment and social link progress. I admit I expected too much. I know I'm never gonna see her again. I just need to tell her that I liked her just for my own closure because I sometimes think I'll regret it if I don't say it. I can't promise myself it'll be good or turn out well but knowing how I can't shut up about it mentally, it'll be... fantastic.

And that's how my dramatic mind works.