"How soon is enough?"

You know me, I hate getting crushes nowadays because, like a greasy boulder on stilts at the edge of a cliff, I fall easily. I don't have perfect vision but hindsight is always 20/20 so I can admit that I have a rough time trying to cope with liking a girl. Just like how the friendship with a certain Sociology girl worked out. Just like how a failed romantic gesture with a Tourism girl worked out. That's why I always try to stay away from girls whenever I can (not gay). But the thing about me is that I'm a love addict - I fully admit it.  I like the idea of having a crush because the feeling of liking someone is great but I loathe the feeling of "This is bound to end badly". You can't spell "crush" without "rush" and that's why I'm a love addict. A love junkie. Infatuated with infatuation. I could go on with this.

That's why I haven't had a successful relationship in a while. I just love the highs and hate the lows, like a real druggie on welfare. And for the meantime, I don't think I'll be ready for one even if a relationship knocks in my door and offers me cake and video games.

But recently, I've started to like this girl near the place I work for about a month now. Oh god, her accent is pretty awesome. And she looks amazing! Surprisingly (or pathetically), I got the nerve to ask for her name but not her number so at 23, I still need to work on this socializing skill that everyone keeps talking about. She and I have been talking for about a month and a half and it's been alright. Having enough inside jokes is worth it because we actually have something to talk about.

Recently, this girl passed by where I work and talked to me for a short while as I started helping a customer.

When she left, not realizing the customer was still in front of me, I instinctively said "She's so pretty..."

"She really is!" the customer said.

"I'm sorry I accidentally told you that. Haha! I've been trying to get her number, that's why. I've only been talking to her for like a month and a half. It's just too soon."

The customer asked me "How soon is enough?"

That's when it hit me. In those three seconds, I realized how my overthinking will be the death of me. I already was overthinking 4 years ago back in university with the two girls who broke my heart and I don't blame them for doing so anymore. I can admit it's partly my fault. And I'm sure this'll how it ends, of course.

And I know for a fact that nothing will change no matter how hard I try. Ha! It's just the way it is.

Post 2 - July 3, 2012

Hey! This story isn't dead! Sorry for not updating it in this blog sooner.

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July 3, 2012

Posted by Jason at 3:21pm

Another post? Awesome! It’s after school so I have time to write on this blog.

Have I told you about my friend Joey? I think I did in the last post but lemme tell you how awesome the guy is. I’ve known him since high school and he’s been a blast to be with. Like, one time, we were stuck in a boring talk about god-knows-what at the lecture hall. He and I did nothing but text each other. Thank god teachers don’t check for cellphones inside coat pockets. Well, coat pockets of a coat that’s technically hidden inside a bag full of textbooks. Thank god for unlimited texting as well because god knows where we’ll be without unlimited texting.

Joey’s one of the few guys that I’d actually hang out with and I won’t feel like a burden. I used to think that I’d hinder him and his habits of picking up women. I remember one time on Valentine’s Day he told me he got the numbers of 15 girls at campus in 2 hours. I can vouch for this because he showed me all of their numbers. That’s some Glengarry Glen Ross stuff right there. I’m so sorry for the old movie reference as well as comparing women to real estate sales.

Joey never called them all, strangely (because I would’ve called each and every one of them without a doubt) but that’s how he met Celine. She’s an architecture student who’s in the same year as us and she basically told Joey off after he asked for her number. I’m surprised she became a friend of ours even after Joey’s attempts to flirt with her.

I sit beside Joey in every class because I don’t feel comfortable sitting with my other classmates that I don’t know. Joey is like the only person in class that talks to me, as sad as it sounds. We’re in a class of 28 people and half of them are guys. 12 of those guys sit in the other side of the room while Joey and I sit in the back corner of the class. He thinks it’s great because we’re “surrounded by girls”. Whatever makes him happy, I guess. I’m just thankful I have a friend to talk to in class this semester.

Oh god, if he ever reads this, he might think I have a man-crush on him. I don’t, Joey! I don’t! We’re like brothers and that’d be incest!

Anyway, thanks for reading this again, guys.

Till next time!
- Jason

Post 1 - June 29, 2012

Hey guys! I have a story that I'm posting on Wattpad but because that website is being forceful, requiring people to register a Wattpad account to read a story, I'm posting it here on my website! Surely, that's a good idea. Here you go. It's called "Posts About Her".

I hope you guys enjoy!

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June 29, 2012

Posted by Jason at 3:19pm

Hey guys! Welcome to my blog. My name’s Jason. I hope you – any of you – find my thoughts interesting. I’ll keep you posted on whatever I have in mind and hopefully, I don’t bore you to death. Haha! Sorry, I just got home from school and I don’t know what to write right now.

Let me tell you a bit about myself though, if that’s all right.

As I said, the name’s Jason. I currently study in University of Sylvester Thomas. Freshman in Media Studies. Hopefully I graduate in 4 years. I love taking photos around the campus and posting them online. I wish I could be a photographer someday (fingers crossed!) but my camera recently broke thanks to my slippery hands and a puddle. So don’t expect any photos from me as of the moment.

My school guidance counselor told me that I need to somehow express myself in one way or another. Breaking my camera was a kick in the head but writing seems to be the alternative for me. I admit that I avoid (see: dislike, loathe, or fear) talking to a lot of people. It’s like I can’t strike up a conversation with anyone spontaneously. I don’t even know how people do that. “Hey, I see you’re breathing air. I breathe air too. Let’s chat.”

I do hang out with my friends after class though. My best friend Joey is the best in the world at being a friend and I think I don’t deserve him as a friend. We’re opposites in the social spectrum. As freakin’ amazing as they are, life happens. I mean, of course I can’t go out and party like they do but I regret not doing so, you know? My friend Celine told me that it’s no big deal. I know it’s not a big deal to her but it is to me. Like, I do wanna have fun and share great moments with my friends. I just can’t bite the bullet and have a fun night out without being an awkward weirdo. “Hi! Me Jason. Me friend of Celine and Joey! You like weather? Happy! Haha! Happy!”

I just feel like I’ll be a burden to them sometimes. I hate talking to them about my problems but this blog seems like the perfect place for my various thoughts. At least, I think so. The guidance counselor suggested I get a journal but my handwriting sucks. I’m more comfortable with a keyboard. So of course I’m going to use this blog.

But hey, if you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Till next time!

- Jason

Save Me From Myself and From Crap

I got a Wattpad account recently and I don't know why exactly. If I recall correctly, I wrote a blog post about how Wattpad stories that get published and sold are garbage (which you can find here).

What do I exactly plan on accomplishing with my new Wattpad account? I don't know but I'd like to at least give it a shot before I'll leave it to rust.

An email from FB-USER277

I love checking out my spam folder and seeing all this garbage emails that only a dope would believe. As if I'm THAT desperate for female attraction that I'd think some random girl on the internet would actually email me. But this isn't as lengthy as the other one I received but I haven't done these in a while so why not check the ol' spam folder and see if I got any goodies.

HEY! Noticed you on FB and was hoping maybe we could hook up.

Really? Are you that desperate? How'd you find out my Facebook? And why is the first reaction you have to seeing someone's Facebook profile is "I WANT THAT MAN'S COCK IN ME"?

Can you text me if your interested in at least talking a bit and seeing where things go

First of all, *YOU'RE. Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E is "you are". Y-O-U-R means "your"! Also, you don't even know me so why would you let your thirst consume you? You thirsty whore.

I just really need to have some fun in my life again and thought you were cute

Thank you, I know I'm cute (my mother says so). And you need more fun? Have you never heard of a PS3? There's always Skyrim to consume your life!

you can text me at 646-396-6367 ? PLS!talk soon! HSF (hot single female) :p

I really don't wanna know where that number is from, to be honest. Could it be a real phone number? Could it be a telemarketing company's? Could it be a middle aged housewife who's thirsty and wants some fun from men online? Who knows!

Also, I like how the bot has to put "hot single female" in the end as if it really is tempting me. What if a gay man received this, huh? You insensitive bot! MYSOGYNY!

I'm kidding, I'm not a social justice warrior who complains about everything.