Wednesday, September 19, 2018

I have to go back, I need to go back

I have to go back home, I wanna go back home sooner or later.

Because that's my thing, right? If I start to like someone, I just leave the country until I get over it? I did that with Krisly, right? So that must've worked. I did that with Elisa too, and my friends called me out on it. "Spending 1K dollars to get away from your feelings" as they said.

And now that I can't get over Daniela, I wanna go back home. I wanna go and take another 17 hour plane ride to the Philippines where I'm groggy and miserable and cranky and older than everyone else now and I have no one. So I'm in a plane full of people and I'm still alone. I'm not Alain de Botton where he met his girlfriend in "Essays in Love" in a flight.

I wanna go back home where people know me and for sure I won't like anyone because I'll just be in the country for a finite amount of time. Can't like someone for less than a month. Shut up.

I got way more Tinder matches in the Philippines for some reason anyway and they weren't really my type of girls. The type I like actually reply to messages and hold a conversation, something apparently rare nowadays. "She replied? WITH MORE THAN ONE WORD? Bloody hell, that's impressive!" rather than them replying dryly with "Mhm" or "LOL" or "I don't know when I'll ever get the time."

I wanna go home. I don't wanna see Daniela on the downtown train. I don't wanna see anybody. I don't wanna feel anything for anyone for that matter.