Wednesday, December 30, 2015

You Can't Spell "Crush" Without "Rush"

As I admitted in a post a month ago (which you can read right here), I like the idea of having a crush. I don't know, it's in my nature. Maybe because being single for too long has turned me into a meth addict, my meth being "infatuation", and I'm not sure what kind of rehabilitation clinic would take me in.

"Hello there!" I'd say to the counselor, "This is my first day in rehab! And I'm addicted!"

"Oh goodie, guys!" the counselor says, "We have a new person to join our group! What's your name, boy?"

"My name is Ralph Corleone and I'm addicted to falling in love!"

"...Get out!"

Okay, it probably won't go that way. My psychiatrist says I should focus on myself and my career but I'm sure he's also very tired of hearing about it from me. I persistently never learn in my romantic endeavors, if you could all it that, like how I never actually learned literary theory in university. But I fully admit that I'm an addict to infatuation and I'll constantly search for it until I can break my own heart or until I can get a welfare check for my infatuation addiction.

But what is it about infatuation that gets me?

Back in 2011, I had to take summer classes for a subject I failed. the only good things that came out of it are a high grade and a girl who I eventually got close with because I was one of the few sane ones in class that she could talk to. Or maybe it was because I was the teacher's pet. Not that it matters because everyone hated me regardless. Pahaha!

But nonetheless, I had a good, if not short, friendship with this girl named Sheena which led to several times where I'd walk her to the bus stop after class. I was nice but not exactly subtle. I remember those walks, just us two. Talking. Not caring about anything around us. And I hated that it had to end. I wanted time to slow down or at least the road to get longer so I can have more time with her! Good god, I'm having sad flashbacks again.

The thought of going out with that particular girl actually energized me to run while listening to cheesy love songs from Air Supply. Yes, you read that right - I used to exercise. Time flies when you're having fun (eating). I loved that rush I felt of liking someone. That was when I realized I never wanted that feeling to go away. I loved the possibilities of a girl that I have a crush on liking me back, going on dates, texting all night, sucking up to her parents for approval, watching movies, and eventually... playing video games together. Oh Ralphy, you dirty man made of flab, spank yourself with a spatula and call yourself spam.

I know it's unhealthy. I know it's like I'm looking for meth. Fisher Price Baby's First Meth is infatuation after all. Call Walter White, we have a new form of meth that involves teenage romance and lots of Air Supply songs. Quick, before the FDA takes action on colleges and shoots down every hopeless romantic student in campus.

I used to call myself a hopeless romantic and describe myself as "in love with love". However, it's gone beyond that level. It wasn't just that Sheena girl who I totally don't remember anymore. I wanted my infatuation to be with any cute girl. Well, any cute girl that I liked. Any cute girl that I found attractive, of course. So sorry if I don't find you attractive with my incredibly low (but according to my female friends, apparently impeccably high) standards. I just need the fix and the inexplicable and unnecessary high that a crush brings.

My name is Ralph and I'm addicted to falling in love.