Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Britton Baggage

No, I'm not talking about giving my luggage a name. This wouldn't be one of my most coherent posts. It's just me venting about what happened with my once-friend Britton

My friend Britton and I had started speaking to each other again around February of 2017 after two years of not speaking to each other. We started to become close friends again by talking to each other every day about anything.

I bought her a PlayStation Plus subscription twice just so we can play online. I even bought her the year-long subscription because I thought we were going to be friends for a long time.

The way I see it though, there comes a point where you have to cut off a friendship that's just falling apart.

Before going to the Philippines, I thought it'll be great because I'll get to share with her the things I've been doing in my home country because I want her to see what it's like there. 

Britton started talking to this dude who was imitating the voice of McCree, a video game character she loved the voice of. I'm not that possessive of a best friend to think my friends should be happy. However, when she told me the dude was constantly saying "She's with me" whenever someone else started talking to her in the game, that seemed sketchy and too obvious of a flirt.

I didn't mind her talking to the guy because who am I to tell her not to, right? 

Then she started sexting with him. I don't care what people do in their private time, that's all in their hands (HEHEHE GET IT?). On the other hand, I didn't appreciate it when Britton started texting me in the middle of sexting with the guy. "He's into some BDSM stuff that I like!" she said, giving me information that I didn't need to know. It takes two to tango and clearly she's enjoying the dance.

It ticked me off because it was so messed up. I didn't need to know that but every time I told her to change the subject, she'd just ramble on and on about what they're doing. 

The next day, I was still pissed off at her for telling me about that when I didn't want to, didn't need to, and wouldn't ever need to know. She was telling me about how she played an online game with three other dudes on voice chat.

Still upset about last night, I asked her "Did you sext with them as well?"

That's where it all started. "I don't like that you're implying I'm a slut," she said. Well, she did just sext with someone she met online through PlayStation VR and barely knew. Then she was telling me all about the kinky shit they were into as it happened. So yeah, I did find her to be a slut.

She and I apologized and reconciled with each other half a dozen times because of this. Although I still knew what was going on. I don't appreciate a friend dropping her best friend for the sake of some random dude.

When I was in the Philippines and wanted to have a conversation, she didn't reply for a day or so. Strangely, I would see her online on Discord, another messaging app that we used. I would see her online for several nights at a time and strangely, our habit of exchanging messages just died afterward. When she's online, that means she's talking to that pervert flirt she calls a friend.

I asked her about it and she said, "Oh I don't really even talk to the guy as much as you think!"

Alright, no problem. Sure, bud. I know she's crazy for him because she always mentioned him in every conversation we had and I was sick of it. I couldn't stand her. I couldn't stand this pervert getting in the way of my friendship with Britton.

One night, I saw she had a Snapchat once again, not by directly searching for her but rather, it just appeared on my contacts list, since I had her phone number. She mentioned she doesn't use it for messaging and it's just for the stupid face filters. Fair enough but this is her second Snapchat account, which makes no sense and made me think that she got one with a better username for the dude she's sexting with.

So I'm in the Philippines, missing the once-frequent conversations I've had with someone I considered a best friend and she randomly decides to break that habit because she's found some new pervert to get her jollies up. Fine, absolutely fine. I had friends that I met in school and in college while she never even finished school without looking like a deer in the headlights when a test paper was in front of her.

Am I wrong? Did I overreact somewhat? Yeah, I can admit that. At the same time, I was always there for her so why should I always be the one in the wrong? Why couldn't she say what was the problem and at the same time, tell me that there's nothing to be worried about? Aren't friends supposed to help each other?

I already told her I'll always take her back regardless of how we fought because friends move on from problems like these. The problem is that she's conflicted with either talking to me, a friend of hers and someone who actually knows her, or talking to some guy she met on the internet who just turned her on. 

"I'm scared to talk to you now," she said, "because I might mention [his name] by accident and you'll get mad."

"Oh, it has a name!" I replied. I don't consider dudes who flirt with my best friend as people. So I'm being a dick while she's chasing dick. I don't support going after fuckboys and I know she's only going after him because she's desperate for actual human connection, more than I could be. 

It went to the point where I had to ask my other friends on what to do because this Britton problem was ruining me inside and I didn't wanna keep fighting during my vacation in the Philippines. They all said to cut her off because no friendship is worth it. She'll realize how stupid she is for abandoning her best friend over some dude she sexts with. Since she says she's scared to talk to me, then it's clear she prefers talking to the dude she just met, right? It's obvious since best friends don't give each other bullshit reasons or pretend to care about salvaging a friendship that I've been keeping afloat.

I was just given these bullshit reasons like her being out of the house or being on suicide watch because of depression. I perfectly understand but I know they're bullshit because everyone has a phone and internet access. It doesn't have to be data; it could just be public wifi. I know she never left the house because she was just playing online on her PlayStation 4. She was online on Discord most of the time too, pretending to be off the grid, when I know she's just talking to the motherfucker as usual because he turns her on with his voice. 

I called her one time at work asking what was the problem. All I got was "I can't tell you, I don't wanna talk about it." How am I supposed to understand her if she won't talk to me?

I hated constantly waiting for her to call or text me back. I hated waiting for an answer and to rebuild this friendship. I hated waiting for things to go back to where they were before this stupid idiot decided to get a fuckbuddy. I hate being cast aside and the friendship being messed up because of this dude.

I don't appreciate being implied to be a problem by one of my best friends. I didn't wanna give her the "It's either him or me?" choice. So I made it for her.

One night at work, I tried calling her again. It's not the first time where she just didn't pick up the phone but I had enough.

"Fine, I'm just gonna delete your number if you wanna be like that," I texted. I know that was terrible of me to do, abandoning a friend who says they're miserable. Then again, she didn't wanna talk nor did she wanna tell me what her problems were about so why should I keep worrying about her?

She can keep that fuckboy because I didn't care anymore. If she really wanted to continue this friendship, I wouldn't have to be the only one trying to salvage it. I shouldn't have wasted my time during my vacation in the Philippines talking to her about it. I shouldn't have wasted any time trying to fix things like they were before because if she doesn't care about this friendship anymore, why should I?

Do I miss Britton? Sometimes but as each day goes by, I slowly forget about her. I never would've given her up if she only hadn't given me up.

She's dead to me right now.