May 28, 2016

Sink or Swim When The Sunset Comes

By the end of the year, I'm not entirely sure where I'd be - as would anyone in the world. What I have right now is a daily routine with comfortable seat in a ship. A routine that got me everything I ever wanted from baubles to technology. It's a good day as long as my head's straight.

I've been on this ship for quite a while now and I'm pondering a lingering question:  Should I stay or should I go? Darling, I've got to let me know.

The season's slowly changing and the days are about to be different. The ship is going down. The days will be longer and more agonizing with little to no regard for anyone. The shadows won't be the same.

In the words of the Tenth Doctor, I don't want to go.

"Stay then," says my conscience.

But I don't want to be more miserable than I already am. So I can't stay. Staying in familiar water would mean I'll just be driving myself loony all over again.

People make me miserable. People who come by the ship and demand outrageous things. I remember having an episode 6 hours before the year was stricken from the record. There's only so much stupidity a man could take in a regular day. It made me realize that the degenerates don't care about your well-being as long as they get what they want. "I know your day is over but what about me?!" What about you? What about me?

Maybe I'm just rocking the boat. The boat however is still sinking as each day passes and there's nothing I can do to change the situation. The choices I have in my head bother me. Stay where I am and wait for the new ship to arrive with more lunacy in the same dirty ocean, or go somewhere else that takes me to new places. Tough but fair.

Sun's setting, Shamrock. Make a choice. And live.

May 15, 2016

2am 4 years later

A friend told me to find my happy place. My only happy place is somewhere I've never been to.

You know those lyrics? "Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness." Those lyrics that are always familiar to anyone who listens to them?

Maybe, just maybe, in an alternate universe, that was the song played in room 116 on Valentine's Day. And things went right. And things didn't go the way that reality played. And everything about you and I wouldn't be terrible. Ha. Too good to be true. Stuck in that moment again whenever things go wrong.

Strangely, I only wanna see you again as a phantom. Because phantoms can't hurt me. A blink of an eye and they're gone. That's as close as I'll get to seeing you again, I know.

No use thinking about phantoms but that's the best I can do nowadays. And it kills me that you're not in my reality. And it kills me that I can't replace you, no matter how long it's been.

Whatever. Whatever. At least that's what you told me.