December 1, 2015

Ralph's Writing Collection - How I Never Met Your Mother [Part 36] – Rock Bottom

Kids, when you’ve done something wrong to someone by accident, that’s alright. It can be corrected. However, that opportunity to be corrected depends on the person you’re trying to apologize to. I’ll get to that later. 

In December 15 of 2011, after finally meeting Jill from tourism, I thought everything would be golden. I thought everything would be nice and alright. Boy was I wrong. When my friends found out what I did for Jill, they were somehow impressed. Heck, just 30 minutes after meeting Jill, I already waited outside room 209 where your Aunt Angel was having classes. My friend Jasmine was there for some reason and we had a conversation.


Jasmine: Where have you been?
Ralph: I was at CTHM. I met this girl
Jasmine: Oooh, how’d you meet her?
Ralph: Twitter. After 5 months of talking to her, I started to like her so I gave her a gift.
Jasmine: Really?! How?
Ralph: Got her schedule from the CTHM dean’s office. They thought Karina was shifting.
[They actually did.]
Jasmine: Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually did that!
Ralph: What, what? Is that bad? I knew it was bad! It’s creepy!
Jasmine: Nooo! It’s a good thing. 

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For a while, several of my classmates thought I was a sweet guy instead of this sarcastic villain they see. And for a while, Jill and I were tweeting with each other more constantly than ever.

However, it came to a sudden halt.

I was seeing the misery of my classmate and all of his “sophomore hardships” that he was talking about. I was just laughing at whatever he posted. He was miserable. So I posted “Laughing at other people’s misery” on Twitter. So what does this have to do with anything? I’ll tell you later.


At the same time, Jill was posted on Twitter that she wanted a guy best friend that would be mistaken for her boyfriend. I, in my everlasting weirdness, wanted to shout “I VOLUNTEER!”


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But when I tried to reply to that tweet, there was a problem. I couldn’t. “You are not allowed to perform this action” or a similar error message like that. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

When I checked Facebook, it informed that I was no longer friends with Jill. I clicked her profile and it said “Page not found”. Of course I thought it was just a momentary error but then I realized that it wasn’t. A friend of mine showed me her posts on Twitter and it was basically referring to someone to shut up. That someone was me. And I felt terrible.

I asked your Aunt Miho for help.

Ralph: She blocked me on Facebook and Twitter. How else am I going to apologize.

Miho: You have to apologize in person.
Ralph: Wait, what? You wanna have me killed?
[I bet she did, really]
Miho: No, come on, it’s the only thing you need to do if you want to end up as the good guy here.
Ralph: But I am the good guy here!
Miho: Not to her! When you apologize, it’s up to her what to do. The ball’s in her court.
Ralph: Alright, alright.

So days before January 3, the resumption of classes, I already planned on what I would say to Jill. 


Ralph: I didn’t know what I said that made you mad. It may have been a misinterpretation of words or bad timing but I’m really, really sorry. 


I asked my friend Jasmine to review that. She said it was simple yet effectively meaningful.

That’s what I planned on saying. Instead, when the day arrived and I was already in the CTHM building…


Ralph: Jill, I didn’t know what I said that made you mad—
Jill: Whatever.
[She really said that.]
Ralph: I’m really sorry—
Jill: Whatever.
Ralph: Come on, whatever I said—
Jill: Whatever! Whatever!


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As the door to her classroom slowly shut, I leaned back to a wall nearby. Time stopped. It felt like everyone around me disappeared. I wanted to rewind time. A second chance maybe? A second go for an apology for something I didn't do.


The song “Hero” by Regina Spektor played in my head in a constant loop. “I’m the hero of this story, don’t need to be saved. I’m the hero of this story, don’t need to be saved.” I didn’t know what else to do. I didn't know anyone in the building to talk to. I felt alone. I didn't need to stay there. Why was I still in that hallway? Staring at a door that I know will never open for me again. Time resumed. I realized I was back in reality. I walked through a crowd of tourism students, some had already seen what happened, most likely thinking "He deserved that". I just wanted to go back to my building and regret everything.


Obviously not the best outcome but it wasn’t the worst. The worst would be Jill suddenly stabbing me School Days-style in front of cheering girls from CTHM who thought I was a stalker. That was the first of many times she would call me that but I’ll get to that later.

I went back to room 209 to talk to your aunts Angel and Inah. They looked at me from inside the classroom and smiled, silently asking me how it went. I just shook my head slowly, silently delivering the bad news. They both ran out of the room and ask what happened.

Angel: What happened?!
Ralph: She… didn’t listen to me.
Inah: What do you mean?
Ralph: I go there to apologize, and she was having none of it...

To this day, your Aunt Inah says that it was the first time she actually saw I was hurt. She saw the pain in my eyes somehow and it was new for her because I wasn’t this bully that I usually was. I was a guy who lost a friend or something more.

The story with Jill is not over though. I’ll get to that.