November 25, 2015

"How soon is enough?"

You know me, I hate getting crushes nowadays because, like a greasy boulder on stilts at the edge of a cliff, I fall easily. I don't have perfect vision but hindsight is always 20/20 so I can admit that I have a rough time trying to cope with liking a girl. Just like how the friendship with a certain Sociology girl worked out. Just like how a failed romantic gesture with a Tourism girl worked out. That's why I always try to stay away from girls whenever I can (not gay). But the thing about me is that I'm a love addict - I fully admit it.  I like the idea of having a crush because the feeling of liking someone is great but I loathe the feeling of "This is bound to end badly". You can't spell "crush" without "rush" and that's why I'm a love addict. A love junkie. Infatuated with infatuation. I could go on with this.

That's why I haven't had a successful relationship in a while. I just love the highs and hate the lows, like a real druggie on welfare. And for the meantime, I don't think I'll be ready for one even if a relationship knocks in my door and offers me cake and video games.

But recently, I've started to like this girl near the place I work for about a month now. Oh god, her accent is pretty awesome. And she looks amazing! Surprisingly (or pathetically), I got the nerve to ask for her name but not her number so at 23, I still need to work on this socializing skill that everyone keeps talking about. She and I have been talking for about a month and a half and it's been alright. Having enough inside jokes is worth it because we actually have something to talk about.

Recently, this girl passed by where I work and talked to me for a short while as I started helping a customer.

When she left, not realizing the customer was still in front of me, I instinctively said "She's so pretty..."

"She really is!" the customer said.

"I'm sorry I accidentally told you that. Haha! I've been trying to get her number, that's why. I've only been talking to her for like a month and a half. It's just too soon."

The customer asked me "How soon is enough?"

That's when it hit me. In those three seconds, I realized how my overthinking will be the death of me. I already was overthinking 4 years ago back in university with the two girls who broke my heart and I don't blame them for doing so anymore. I can admit it's partly my fault. And I'm sure this'll how it ends, of course.

And I know for a fact that nothing will change no matter how hard I try. Ha! It's just the way it is.